B139 - Moving to a New BLOG

Hi everyone,

Well you've probably been wondering what I've been up to... Here is the latest... I've moved to a
New Blog

I hope Opera is more relaible than Blogger/Google and WordPress which I also tried, but also has problems..

I'm going to keep all my existing blogs and posts on Blooger.. so if you have links to them... they will be OK..

See ya on the "other" site..



B138 - Post #1 A New Year... and the times they are a changing

Other than this, my personal Blog “Saysame,” I will not be adding any more posts to any of my “other” Blogs. The original intent and purpose of those Blogs was to present and document the unloving denials present in our society and so show how the different religions, governments, organizations, customs and traditions are all related and how the truth is distorted, manipulated and controlled by denial, omission, or in stating part truths meant to confuse and deceive. In all our history, nothing has really changed except the form of the experiences and no real healing or true understanding can take place as long as these conditions, fueled by unlovingness and old imprints, programs and beliefs are present.

What is happening globally now is merely the lull before the storm, a momentary pause in the on-going and escalating hatred and violence, creating the illusion of a possible peace, but that is only a fa├žade. Rest assured that each side with its religion, government and its social structure and order is silently preparing for either a new offensive or defensive maneuver. Nothing has changed except, as mentioned, the “form” of the experience and now a "new" element will be brought into the conflicts to create the appearance that this is a new and different problem and issue and so the cycle continues, going around and around as it also escalates.

The coming times and Earth changes will not be easy as it will bring a total breakdown of society as we presently know it. These changes will not be affecting some other person or people in another part of the world, but will be happening on our personal doorstep where it can’t be denied unless denial is still your intent.

In the next few years everyone will be facing their denials and will be making life and death choices that will have far reaching consequences; more than just our present physical survival, but the survival of our very Spiritual essence. For Humanity to survive, we need to change within, before we can change the without. We need to let go of all our old imprints, programs and beliefs that keep us in this never ending cycle of unlovingness, suffering and death created by denial, guilt and shame that we have been struggling to change and call life. We can’t change it. IT is what it is…. until IT wants to change. What we need to do is to let it go from within us and to allow it to find it’s right place. Those that desire and choose to continue to follow IT need to be allowed to do so to also find their right place.



B137 - Tying up loose ends for the end of the year

’06 Dec 27 Thursday 2:17 am

Well I went in to work yesterday and was surprised to see the new schedule didn’t include me. I say it was a surprise as for the past few weeks I’ve heard from various staff members that I was going to be one of two part timers that would be kept on in the New Year. Last weekend, the manager, had mentioned to me in passing that she wanted to see me but never did. I feel that part of the reason for letting me go is that she can control and intimidate the girls who need a job, but she can’t do that with me. I can’t say that I’m not disappointed as I would have liked to work a couple of days a week, but at the same time, I now have all the free time I need to spend on writing my books and getting them published…

’06 Dec 29 Friday Tying up loose ends.

Today I downloaded or rather cut and pasted, all 247 All-Experts questions and answers for the year. I also cut and pasted my BLOG posts, pictures and links. I did a lot of posting to the web this year as my personal Blog had 157 “word doc.” pages not including my other five Blogs that I didn’t copy for now. I haven’t been really been working on, or writing my book and now I can see why, but all this is also has a purpose.

’06 Dec 31 3:29 am

Yesterday was my second last day at work and it was a strange feeling as I felt ostracized by the staff. I felt like a stranger in a strange land and the people that had been friendly and chatty were now cool, aloof and detached. The two part time girls that were being kept on also felt “snooty” today and pushed their positions over the other girl and I that were being laid off. I felt that they felt that were some how better that us as they were “chosen” to stay on and we weren’t. Any disagreement with their demands brought sarcasm and innuendos that I wasn’t being nice to them because I was leaving. That I should somehow listen to and obey their commands and do the work that was part of their job, but that they now felt they could get us to do. I expressed myself and didn’t take any of their “polite” bull shit.

These two women are both what I call “yes” women and I feel are trying to work their way up the so-called corporate ladder of this company. I don’t see any opportunity for any “worker” to get into any position of real authority and financial position as it’s all controlled from outside the box of the retail store. The district manager, I assume, reports to corporate head office but I don’t see him as anything other than a glorified office manager going between different store managers in his district. He may be “above” the store manager, but he’s still an employee and as such, has a long way to go before he can have any direct say in company affairs and direction.

These are all “wanna be’s” that will sell their soul to try to “make it” and to have the life of their lost hopes, dreams and desires, that they feel that position, money (power) will bring. The other people that are working there are those that “need” a job or can’t find anything else right now or are too afraid to start over and will take the shit and abuse and the pittance of a pay cheque as it’s better than nothing. These are the people that are giving up their power to those that desire it.

4:02 am It’s the old chain of command syndrome, it was that way with all the other jobs I had. I felt I had to work my way up the chain of command or corporate ladder to an imaginary place of power so that I could get what I wanted and I’d be happy. But that was all an illusion because unless one had a major financial interest in the company, no matter what your corporate position, you were only a figure head for the owner or shareholders. These were the ones that had financial interests in the company and it was they that pulled the strings and could change the position and status of any employee within the company.

That’s the way it is in the old world of dog eat dog and survival of the fittest, who can claw their way up this illusionary ladder of power on the backs of others who are considered “meek” and are “outside” this so-called “inner circle” of wanna be’s in power.

4:44 a.m. All this leads back to my childhood and in wanting to get bigger, stronger and older so that I could “grow up” and be able to do what I was told would give me happiness, as what I experienced didn’t being me happiness, not because it couldn’t, but that what is actually coming at me in my experiences was unloving. Unloving authority figures that would have me believe that I were wrong or inadequate because of some physical, mental or emotional deficit and that if I learned, obeyed, played the game, that I would be able to meet the standards and expectations that this unloving authority figure and society has on what it takes to not only be happy, but also worthy and acceptable.

But, as we learn and grow older, we then get caught in this “corporate ladder” game where it’s still basically the same stuff that we lack as when we were a child, it’s just that now it has taken on a different form and we don’t recognize it for what it really is.

5:03 a.m. I just realized that when I dropped into the store on Friday to pick up a few items, I saw the manager just as she was leaving the store. She said hi, but it felt cool and distant. I just realized that if she had sat down with me and spoke the truth as to why she was letting me go, she’d also have to admit to the reality of the “game” she was playing, but denying she was playing. My speaking up and challenging her so-called authority and corporate policy and procedures was reflecting her denied issues. If she was going to use the so-called “game” against me, she knew that I would challenge any BS she would try to use against me and that if she was going to be “real,” she would have to admit (accept) them for what they really were, but in doing that, it would also uncover and expose her own denials. So to keep the lid on everything, it was just easier to quietly let me go and not stir up the underlying issues and to do that, she had to avoid contact with me and if there was, to say as little as possible.

It’s the same with the rest of the women because if they were to voice their true feelings about the reasons for my leaving, then that would also expose the feelings that are denying by staying and keeping their mouth shut and doing what they are told and expected to do.

They are not shunning or ostracizing me, but are in reality. afraid of me, or rather afraid of what I’m reflecting to them and of ending their denials and what that would mean. What I say and do that they would like to say and do but can’t, out of fear of losing their jobs and of what others would think of them.

2006 Dec 31 Sunday
Sunday, my last day at work and also the last day of the year. It was a different day as now I felt empowered. I had fun and so did some of the customers I served. I also had fun with a couple of co-workers and the supervisor. By fun, I mean I enjoyed myself and was real at the same time. The two part-timers I mentioned before were also working and it was interesting to still see what I called their “Queen B” attitude get even bigger I commented on it and it was also picked up by the other co-workers who were also starting to be intimidated by them. The supervisor also became aware of the power plays going on and made moves to stop it without actually confronting the Queens B’s. It will be interesting to see how it plays out in the coming days and weeks as the Queens will be back to being at the bottom of the so-called ladder.


B136 - Women no different than Men

2006 Dec 21 Thursday 10:39 pm

It’s interesting to see how women in a group are really no different than men in a similar setting. Women have a different form and way of expressing themselves but underneath the so-called feminine mystique lies the same what I call red neck mentality.

Red neck women may say they are looking for love but what they are really looking for is a man to get laid and to take care of them and to treat them in the way that they want to be treated, that they consider to be loving and caring and respectful, yadda yadda yadda. If they don’t get that, then they blame the man and they moan and bitch like men do when a woman doesn’t meet their expectations. Money is also a big issue as in both cases as it’s deemed as the source of happiness.

Today I was called away from cash to the warehouse and when I got there one woman had on a pair of men’s underwear (boxer briefs) over top of her jeans. She had something stuffed in them to suggest a penis and was making suggestive and derogatory comments to me. Another woman had a pair on her head and was wearing them like a hat. The three or four other women weren’t wearing any men’s underwear but were all were giggling and laughing and trying to get a rise out of me. They were also suggestive and poking fun at me in a suggestive and obscene manner.

I’m the only man working with fourteen women and if this were to happen to a woman in an all male workplace, there would be sexual harassment charges and heads would roll. I wasn’t offended by their actions but I was mildly shocked, no, I’d say more surprised yet at the same time fascinated by their uncharacteristic mannerisms and the things they were saying as it was something that I’ve never experienced before. This was all “back room” stuff that would never be played out in public and I doubt that it would even be privately expressed in front of their spouses or loved ones, yet here they were, singling me out and having “fun” and a “good time” expressing their sexual denials with a male stranger.

I also found it interesting that here were the very same so-called “Christian” women,that were also giving me a hard time with not getting into the Christmas spirit and its religious implications, but were now acting the opposite of the god loving Christians they were earlier professing to be. They use their religious beliefs as a pious and righteous shield to portray the image of what they want others to think they are so that they wouldn’t see them for what they really are, liars, hypocrites and rednecks.

As I made my way back to the front of the store a couple of women that weren’t in the warehouse asked me what they wanted with me and I told them what happened. They were shocked, but I never heard any confrontation between those that took part in the hazing and those that didn’t. It all seems to have been slid under the carpet as if it never happened.

Things that make you go Hummmm!


B135 - Dollarama… “Interac” and “the Customer is always right”

’06 Dec 18 Sunday 6:30 p.m.

I opened doors to the store at noon and dozens of people came streaming in, I’d say there were a good 50 – 60 in the first couple of minutes. I was on cash but I had forgotten my water bottle so I went back to the lunchroom to get it. On my way to the back, a man stopped me and asked, “You don’t have Interac here yet do you? (I picked up on the key word yet as that implied that he knew we didn’t have it)

I replied, “No, but they’re thinking about it and we’ll probably be getting it soon.”

He said, “You know you’re losing a lot of business because you don’t have it.”

I replied, “We may lose a couple of sales a day, but a lot of people simply go the variety store in the plaza and get cash.”

He was momentarily silent so I started to turn and walk toward the back to get my water. As I turned, he replied in a sarcastic tone, “well you got to get with the times or you’ll be out of business.”

I had just did a lot of internet research on Dollarama and so I turned and replied, “I doubt that. Dollarama has 40% of the market share and is growing every year doing what they are doing without interact. Besides, I have nothing personally to do with whether they get Interac or not.”

He came back with, “people are used to shopping with Interac and so you should have it.”

I said, “Yes, they may be used to Interac, but like I said, most of the people that come to Dollarama know it’s a “cash only” store… like you.” You’re not here because there’s Interac, you’re here for the products and you’ve come with cash in your pocket knowing that there is no Interac.”

Well that set him off and he hissed, “Is that the way you talk to and treat your customers, The manager will hear about this?”

I asked, “What did I say that wasn’t the truth and offended you?”

He snarled, “You have an attitude, and the manager should know about you and how you treat the customers.”

I felt his anger and his intimidating and threatening presence as I calmly asked him, “Would you like to speak to the manager, I can get her for you.”

He turned as if to leave, but then turned again and hissed.” Yes, I’m sure she would like to hear how you treat the customers.”

I had seen the manager a few moments earlier in her office so I went back and knocked on the office door. There was no answer and no one else around so I figured that she was either counting money, on the phone, somewhere in the store, or as I later found out, she had left already the store.

I went back out and told the customer what I just wrote and he immediately began arguing and trying to intimidate and belittle me by stating that I had no right to talk to him like that and that’s no way to talk to a customer and…. that the customer is always right.”

I nodded my head in the affirmative and replied, “OK… you’re right.”

He kept on talking, going in circles and finally I said, almost shouting, “you’re right” six times in a row before he finally heard me, blinked his eyes a few times and shut up.

I stated,”if that’s all that you want to hear, is me saying that you’re right, then so be it…. you’re right. You can see and talk to the manager whenever you want about my attitude but I have a job to do and I’m going to do it, so excuse me.

I left him near the back warehouse door speechless, as I turned and walked up the Xmas isle and to the cash registers. A Key holder, supervisor, was in the cashier area and I briefly told her about the incident but we were getting busy and I left it at that. I never did see him again, or hear that he called the office.

That was the last issue or problem that I had with customers for the rest of the day… Except when I was asked to tell a couple that dogs weren’t allowed in the store, but that wasn’t an issue or a problem. I spoke to them and the man that was holding the puppy in his arms; shook his head in agreement when I mentioned the food and he quietly left the store and sat in the lobby with the pup in his arms while the woman finished shopping…

Things just seem to keep happening to me and it's good...


B134 - Customer with issues of waiting and being organized

’06 Dec 17 Saturday
Customer with issues of waiting and being organized

The store was busy but not rushed. The store has two cash out lines with two cashiers in each line. Janet was alone on her side and had 3 or 4 customers in her line while I and another cashier had the majority of the customers in our line. I wasn’t aware of the details as they were happening but I got the details after it was all over.

The newer girl on cash had either forgotten, or was never told that she wasn’t supposed to leave her register to go on break until a replacement had arrived if she had a line. It was time for her break and she had just served a customer and then, without previously informing the remaining customers that she was closing, she simply put up her closed sign and asked the customers to go to the next line. Well there was a guy that was third in her line that was annoyed by her actions and started to complain in a loud voice as he moved to join my line. Our line was moving fast as most of the purchases were small numbers and he was at my register in a matter of a couple of minutes but was still complaining and tearing a strip off of her and the store that they should get more organized, yadda, yadda, yadda. The supervisor was there and tried to calm him to no avail. I said nothing as I basically agreed with him. I just let him yak away as I served him and his son and then he left the store, still nattering and cussing.

A few moments later he comes storming back in and comes up to me, demanding that I give him his sunglasses.

Confused, I asked, “What sun glasses?”

He hissed, “The ones left on the counter when I left.”

I said, “There was nothing on the counter when you left. It’s a small counter and I would have noticed them.”

He shouted, “Either you or a customer took them as my son said that they were on the counter.”

I quietly replied,” What would I be doing with a pair of sun glasses, I couldn’t wear them as I have glasses.”

He snarled,” don’t get smart with me, look under you counter and see if they are there,” as he leaned over to see what was behind the counter.

I said, “why should I, no one has been at my register since you left and there’s nothing on the floor as you can see and I’m not going to pretend to look for them to make you happy because I know I didn’t take them and I didn’t even see them. You left them somewhere else, not here.”

He was furious and as he began to leave he shouted “You got to get organized” and then uttered some seasonal profanity that I couldn’t really make out as he stormed out the door.

I raised my left hand and calmly raised my voice enough so that he would hear me and said, ”back at you, I don’t accept it,” and calmly turned to serve the next customer.

The customers were basically silent as they didn’t know what went on before, except for the woman that I was now serving when he interrupted us. The other cashiers and the supervisor were amazed at how I talked to him and never lost my cool, although they said they wanted to tell the guy where to go. I replied that he wasn’t mad at me during the first episode so his actions didn’t activate me and when he came back in about the sunglasses, I simply stood my ground and spoke the truth. I knew he was activated, but at nothing that I did, only by what he thought I did, and I knew the difference.


B133 - Dollarama, not what it appears to be

2006 Dec 16 Friday 2:19 am

Dollarama, not what it appears to be
I notice today that my throat is getting sore and now I’m having difficulty in swallowing (not expressing myself) and that both of my kidneys are also sore as is my lower back. I feel that I’ve been mentally driving my body these past few weeks, not taking a break when I’m tired, and only getting one break in a full day, besides a half hour for lunch. I’ve been forcing myself to do what the company wants and that is to keep the customers happy by cashing them out with their goodies and taking their money as quickly as possible.

I did some searching on the internet these past few days and it turns out that Dollarama, the company that I’m presently working for, was started by a Canadian, Mr. Rossy in 1992 who developed it into a successful family run operation with several hundred stores. In 2004, he sold an 80% share to Bain Capital, a USA venture capital corporation, for $1.03 Billion dollars. It turns out that the Bain Corp owns also has interest in 230 companies around the world and is worth billions of dollars. Dollarama made $750 million in sales last year from some 400 stores. They are planning to open another 50 stores this fiscal year. Dollarama has 40% of the dollar store market share and is growing every year. More than 50% of the company products come from China and the rest are from third world companies or from leveraged sales or private labels. The average store size is approximately 9000 sq. feet. It costs just over $500,000.00 to equip and stock a store and the return on investment is 14 months… If that’s not making money…. nothing is.

This is now a “Global Company,” part of the global conspiracy to manipulate and eventually control the retail markets in every sector that affects the public. From Dollarama to Staples, to Dunkin Donuts to clothes, finance, music, entertainment and even sports and their recent attempt to purchase the entire NHL (National Hockey League) franchise… Anything that the consumer needs in the way of food, shelter, clothing and even entertainment is what they’re gobbling up. Buying out and taking over successful companies with the intent to eventually cut off any free enterprise so that eventually, only the BIG boys will be left to control the masses.

I was totally fooled by Dollarama’s humble and modest appearance and manner of business with a “cash only” policy and with no product priced over $1.00 with some being sold for less. I knew they had a few stores but didn’t know that there are over 400 stores, employing thousands of hourly paid minimum wage employees, forced to work floating hours and shifts. If they are lucky enough to be considered regular staff, they are guaranteed 25 hours a week. The shifts and breaks are so scheduled that an employee gets only one 15 minute break in a nine hour day. Employees are also expected to arrive 10 minutes early and to leave 10 minutes late without compensation. There is also no employee medical, dental or insurance coverage. On the other end of the scale, several of the company officers are pulling in six figure salaries and bonuses.

The Bain Company and its shareholders and those at the top of the “food chain” are making money off of both the cheap labour in foreign countries and also by paying minimum wages and benefits to employees in this country. The only people that are benefiting are those at the top of Company “food chain” and the consumers, who for now are getting a good deal for their buck, and are flocking in to save money. While they are saving money in the short term, in the long run they will lose out when all of Dollarama competitors have been forced out of business and prices begin to go up as in the case of Wall-Mart.

I’m including a few links to sites that I’ve found. Oddly enough, or not so, there is an “official Dollarama” website, but it’s not functioning per say.

Things that make you go Hummmm?


Dollarama in the News Updated Wed. Mar. 6 2002 7:24 PM ET

Dollarama 2006

Dollarama CNW Group

Dollarama and dollar stores in Canada

Bain Capital

Bain and Company

Bain Partners

More Bain Partners

B132 - Denials and Issues

’06 Dec 13 Wednesday 11:20 pm

Today I got called into the office and was talked to about my dealings with a customer. When I spoke with the manager, I explained myself and defended my position. What had happened was that woman with the baby had taken her items out of her cart while I was waiting on a customer and had put them on the next empty counter to me. That she then took the baby out of the cart and moved the cart away and then came to my counter. I now had to walk over to the counter beside me, pick up the products, walk back to my register, pack it and enter it in the register and then repeat the process several times as she had 20 – 30 items. At the same time she was also saying that she didn’t want this or that item that I had already placed in the bag and entered as a sale. Added to that, there was a line up and I felt pressured to get her out of the line and out of the store.

I originally commented on her about placing the order on the other counter and she said that she thought that was my counter and that she was just saving time. I said that if that was “my” counter, then I would have been serving the other customers from there and it wouldn’t have been empty. She didn't like that and took offence. I was also frustrated with her changing her mind on her purchases after the fact. She asked if the manager was in and I replied twice that she was and asked her if she wanted to talk to her and both times she said no, but later she phoned the store and commented on my behavior.

Later I reflected on the experience and I realized that I was angry at myself for denying expressing myself with a couple of previous customers that had put their merchandise on the empty counter and that I had to retrieve, but said nothing. I realized that I took out my denied anger on a woman with a baby who happened to had also put her merchandise on the empty counter. Although there was an issue with the woman, she was not the cause of my denied anger.

Now I was faced with having to either deny expressing that I was wrong and had treated the woman unloving, or express the truth of what really happened and not defend and justify my actions. On my break, I went back to the office and apologized, stating that I was wrong to take my anger out on the woman as I had denied expressing myself with the other customers. While I felt that this part of the experience/lesson was over, I also felt there was more.

Tonight I was trying to feel what else I was missing and what I got was that I needed to realize and admit that I was wrong and that that was part of false pride and admitting my mistakes. I was also thinking of how some people are so asleep and then there are others who don’t give a shit. There were at least four occasions where I had to warn my customer not to turn and walk away as a person had just pushed a shopping cart behind them, literally inches from their body. Then there were also a couple of customers that took it upon themselves to not only move the carts, but to also organize them. But the majority just pushed their carts in the general direction of where they were supposed to be parked as they walked out the door, or they would just leave their cart where it was and make their way out of the store.

I’m thinking that I have judgments on these people and that I have to let them be what they are, but the question is how do I do that without being in denial? I guess that if I felt they were somehow attacking me personally then I need to express that. If they are simply reflecting my judgments, than I need to be aware of them and then let them go by allowing them to be and do what my judgments say they are doing and see where that leads.

Ahhhhh! I’m still trying to protect. I’m trying to protect the other customers and what they are thinking; that they are also being inconvenienced by whatever this customer is or is not doing. These are also times when I’m picking up on other people’s feelings and judgments and I’m re-acting to them thinking they are mine. I have to also let these other customers deal with their issues and not try to make the situation better for them.

People are also confused and part of my issues is still trying to lift them out of their confusion. Others are deliberately trying to confuse me and that also bugs me as I can feel them pulling on me trying to distract me. What I need to do here is to ask questions like. What is your intent? What do you want? What are you trying to get me to do?


B131 - Pushing the body in Denial

2006 Dec 12
Marian is in pain. Her lower back is affected so that she can hardly walk. A month or so ago, she got a needle in her back that gave her temporary relief. As a result of the false cure that just numbed the pain and her belief that she was cured she went out and proceeded to push her body to do all the things that she couldn’t do when she was in pain. Now she’s back to square one and wondering why.

She’s supposed to be going to see an acupuncturist tomorrow and if she feels better after the treatment, you can bet your bottom dollar that she’ll be running around town doing whatever, until she can’t again…

On another topic, I have often felt that when she asks me what I’m having for supper, that what she wants is for me to ask her what she is having or to offer to make supper for her, but I’m not biting. I ask her if that is her intent and she denies it and so I let it go. But I can later feel that she was lying, but that by her denial, she got caught in her lie and the only way out of it was to tell the truth, and that’s something she’s not prepared to do at this moment.

On Sunday I was making wings and chips and I asked her if she wanted some. I don’t mind making a meal for another, but I’m not going to take care of her just because she doesn’t want to take care of herself and insists on abusing herself to no end. I feel that when she can’t abuse herself anymore, that she then tries to find someone (in this case me) that will compensate for what she can’t do for herself. If she can’t use her body to get and do what she wants, then she uses someone else to get what her mind wants.



B130 - Denied Anger, sad, blank and lost people

I was working Sunday and when the store opened at noon I could feel a shift in energy as the people that were shopping were not only angry, but were denying it. They were also sad, blank and not only looked , but also felt lost... They made their purchases either without saying a word or or they muttered something under their breath... I don't know it had anything to do with Jupiter, Mars and Mercury being in alignment for the past couple of days or what but it was not only felt by me , but also by other cashiers...

Since mid-November I've been feeling that we're in the lull before the storm and that all "hell is about to break loose." I don't know any more details but I definitely feel that something is in the air and that the shit is going to start hitting the fan in 2007....

Off topic... I switched to the "New Blogger" a couple of days ago. >>> DON'T DO IT!!! <<<< This one has more toys, but toys that don't work are junk... It really tics me off when plain text can't be posted as there seems to be no "word wrap" function and I have to use an external text pad to write my posts... It also tics me off that I can't go back to the old blogger... Why push and advertise something that doesn't work...


PS: I dropped in at the local Dollar store and Kim asked me what's going on as people were really miserable and angry on the weekend. She said that she felt bad vibes from nearly all her
customers.. I shared what I wrote above...


B129 - Flying Dentures

Hi everyone,

Well today was interesting to say the least. I was called in to work early, so when I got there were 5 or 6 gals in the lunch room talking gal stuff and about the pot luck that we were having today. The mood was light, lively and jokey, so I decided to tell a short joke. While it appeared to be leading to something sexual, the punch line took you in a completely different and clean direction. But as I was delivering the punch line which was "I need a bike" my upper dentures literally flew out of my mouth as if I had sneezed. I caught them in mid-air, turned my back to the gals and had them back in my mouth and was turned back to face the gals before they even blinked.

I was shocked but at the same time I wasn't I was more surprised if that makes sense. The gals were shocked and then burst into laughter that lasted for minutes. They were holding their sides wile other had tears in their eyes. I was laughing also and still am.

Afterwards I was trying to figure out what really happened as the words,"I need a bike" don't put any pressure on your dentures in a manner that would cause them to be expelled as they were. . I could see them coming loose and dropping, but still in my mouth. not flying 10 to 15 feet across the room which is where they would have been had I not caught them.

This is also the first time in my life that this has happened to me. All my life I've been self conscious and careful not to have this happen in public as I felt I would die of shame and embarrassment, but now that it has, while it surprised me, I wasn't overcome with shame. Even afterwards, when that gals would talk to me and smile and giggle, I'd smile and laugh with them as it was funny.

A few minutes after the incident and during all the laughing, I said that now that you know that I wear dentures, you might as well know the colour of my under wear and I turned and pretended to undo my belt. That even brought more laughter.

Another "secret" and fear reveled and my world didn't come tumbling down..



B128 - Denial, putting others needs ahead of mine out of guilt

'06 Dec 07 Yesterday I denied myself. I was at work and my break was at 2:15 pm I had noticed earlier that I was the first to go on my break and that it was important to go on time as that would put everyone else off as we all went in a specific order. I had just finished cashing out a customer and was putting the money in the till and I looked up and saw that it was 10 seconds to 2:15. I reached for my closed sign as a man was putting a couple more items on the counter. It was a couple with a cart full of stuff and I told the man that I was closed. He barked at me, "Now you tell me when I have half the stuff on the counter." I looked at the cart and he had at least 40 items and only 6 or 7 on the counter. I looked at the cashier next to me and saw that she was almost finished serving her customer and then I looked at the clock to see if I had seen it correctly, which I had. To avoid an argument.... I said Ok and began to check his order.

It turned out that they also had several breakable items that I had to wrap in paper and that also took more time. He also commented on the price of an item and I said I know, but when he repeated it a second time, and I snapped back with I already told you I'm aware of the price, why are you telling me again? How many more times are you going to tell me? He remarked that I was getting a little testy and moody. I said nothing as I just wanted to get the fucker away from me.

With the last items on the counter he said, "now you can put your sign up." I said, "why are you telling me what to do, besides there's no room on the counter and with the two of you and the cart blocking half the isle, no one is going to see it until the two of you move out of here." He mumbled something under his breath as I totaled his order and waited for him to pay me. I gave him his change as I flipped up my closed sign with a snap. I looked at the clock and I was 6 minutes late for my break.

I realized later that I could have merely said that I'm closed and when he bitched about his stuff on my counter and I had already looked at the next cashier and saw that she was nearly finished with her customer, I could have lifted his stuff off my counter and put it on hers and been gone. If he still wanted to bitch, I could have asked him if he wanted to speak to the manager and still have been gone and not in denial. But instead, I put his needs ahead of mind and what was reflected to me, my unlovingness to myself....

I also realized that I did it because I felt guilty that I didn't have my sign up before he started to put their things on my counter... That's also why he commented on me putting up the sign... Like I mentioned earlier, I also did it to avoid an argument as he sounded and felt pissed off and that was also an issue for me as it took me by surprise and confused and activated me.

Now I'll be given a different expereince and another opportunity to see if I'll re-act to the situation in denial or if I will respond with self love...



B127 - Issues with smells

’06 Dec 05 Tuesday 4:30 am Yesterday at work I was serving a couple of women when I was suddenly overcome by the smell of smoke, stale cigarette smoke. It was intense to the point that I was becoming nauseous and disoriented and I had to steady myself. I turned to the door for fresh air while trying to check out their order, all the while, expressing what I was smelling and how it was physically affecting me. The two women pretended that it wasn’t them and I wasn’t sure it was them; just that it was someone around me. The cashier next to me looked concerned and later told me that she thought I was going to pass out.

The other people in line also looked at me with concern as they knew I wasn’t faking it. The two women had separate orders and as I gave the last woman her change I was again overcome and had to stop and grab the counter to support myself. I turned to the door as I felt fresh air coning in and I was again able to clear my head long enough to re-count the change and pack up their bags.

They no sooner left the store that I was able to breathe freely again and the people in line also noticed that I was now OK and as they came up to me they commented on it, saying that they saw me going through a rough time and were glad that I was now OK.

A few minutes later I served a older woman and this time I was overcome with the smell of perfume to the point that I was literally gagging and retching but not vomiting. I instantly broke out in a hot sweat and again I turned to the door for fresh air. This time Sherry, the cashier next to me was also aware of the odor of perfume and also commented on it.

In both case, with the cigarettes smoke and the perfume, I didn’t mention that it was the person I was serving, but that it was someone around me that I was smelling. The woman I was serving felt it was her and said defensively that she didn’t have much on and that I shouldn’t be working in a place serving the public if I was that sensitive to smells and fragrances. I replied that it wouldn’t matter if I was working or standing in line, the effect would be the same. I also said that just because people want to wear a lot of smelly toxic perfume that doesn’t mean that I have to be silent and pretend that it doesn’t bother me when it does. I’m going to express what it is doing to me and if they don’t like me expressing myself, that’s their problem. The woman was silent. I gave the woman her change and again within seconds of her leaving the store, I was fine, as if it never happened. That was the only two experiences I had for the rest of the day and the first since I started working.

I had another incident that I’d like to share. There were three cashiers on duty and two customer lines. When I finished with my last customer, I looked around to the line at the two cashiers behind me and I saw that a black lady was “next” in line. I made eye contact and asked her over to my counter. As she made her way toward me I turned around to see a white woman coming toward me to purchase her products. I put my hand out and told the white woman that I had called this lady from the other line and that I’d cash her out first. The wite woman was OK with that but the black woman looked at the white woman and saw that she only had three items and so she told the white woman to go head of her. I cashed her out quickly and then the black woman put her stuff on the counter and said, "thank you, I appreciate that” I said nothing but nodded my head as I was concentrating on her purchases. As she was leaving, she stopped at the door and turned and again said, “thank you, I appreciated that.” I smiled and at the same time I could feel her almost break into tears and my eyes also welled up. She turned and walked out of the store. It was sad as I also realised that while I didn't deny her, she still denied herself and put another person ahead of her... but that was her choice in that moment.

Today I go to post this to my blog and I find the following headline... Stop discriminating by race Things that make yo go Hummmmm?



B126 - Hot Stone Therapy

’06 Nov 30 9:30 pm Hot Stone Therapy
Today I went for hot stone therapy/massage. I arrived at 2 pm and we talked for a good 3/4 hour before the treatment. She played her guitar and sang a couple of songs and I commented on how she reminded me of Janis Joplin but didn’t know if she was a fragment or that she had a connection to her. She told me to look on the wall in the hallway and there was a picture of Janis. When I felt her connection to Janis I felt it as a woman in pain and unable to deal with her REAL emotions but instead talks and sings about her false emotions and puts them to music. She expresses her denials and the false emotions of heartbreak and loss but doesn’t go deep to find and heal the real ones.

From our conversation, I found that she’s basically a Melchizedek Ascensionists, talking about how beautiful spiritual life is and how she can’t wait to ascend, yet at the same time talking about fighting and changing the system to make the world a better place.

The stone therapy was a pleasant “new” experience with having hot oily stones move across your back and massaged into your muscles. At one point my body was just beginning to respond as it began to twitch and I could feel movement but she stopped and had me change position and that stopped that. A few other times I felt emotions of heartbreak surface but they disappeared as quickly as they surfaced and were gone in a flash. Other times I had flash backs to being physically abused by my mother or by bullies.

We talked for about ten minutes after the treatment and she was activated into issues with her son. She blamed children’s aid for taking her son away from her when she was a drug addict. Now she’s on a crusade to fight children’s aid and to help other mothers who have drug issues and in having them keep their children. With all this going on she was also saying that this experience of her losing her son was the best thing that could have happened for her and her son. I began to point out that her stories were conflicting because if it was a good experience for her it also has to be a good experience for other women that she is trying to save. I agreed with her that taking her son away from her was the best thing as she was in no shape to take care of herself, let alone a newborn child. I also mentioned that as a drug addict, she had issues she didn’t want to face and that she hasn’t dealt with her real issues as to why she turned to drugs.

She began to get defensive when I challenged her reasoning and beliefs and didn’t want to hear my point of view. She then basically showed me the door. I knew she was activated but didn’t want to go there even though she pretends that everything is fine and in divine order. Although she doesn’t do drugs, she still smokes cigarettes. She had one before our session and I saw two in her had as I was leaving.

I called Irene this morning and she sounded rough when she answered the phone. I asked her how she was and she said that she had bronchial pneumonia. I told her that she was in no shape to chat, and that I’ll call her later. I also said I love you sis before I hung up, she also said I love you bro. I called Jen, but there was no answer so I left a brief message regarding Irene’s condition.

’06 Dec 01 Today I stopped in at the local Dollar store and talked to Kim and Doug. I chatted with Kim a bit and then went shopping. I popped in on my way back as Kim was waving for me to come in. We didn’t chat long but I tell her (in a jokey manner) that we couldn’t go on meeting like this and I gave her my phone number.


B125 - Activation and Issues - Christmas Stress - Asking for Donations - Christmas Party

’06 Nov 17 11:20 pm Activation: MORE STRESS; Christmas pressures

I was thinking that another reason there was stress in all departments at work was because of a Belief system, Christmas and everyone is out doing what they think is required to get ready for the holidays. They, the customers are in a panic and so that is transferred to everyone around that is associated with that belief especially in a store that sells what they want. Everyone at work is stressed with getting the products out on the shelves or pegs and also in cashing people out as quickly as possible. I’m stressed as I’ve bought into this BS Belief System and also with my issues of trying to give people what they want and to not give them stress or make them feel stressed if I have the power to give them what they want. If I give them what they want, they will also be happy and if they are happy, I’m happy.

While this is true and applies to Xmas, I feel that this is also preparing me for other times to come where people are going to be stressed and looking for help and I know I can help them help themselves but THEIR panic is not MY panic. THEIR issues are not MY issues. THEIR beliefs are not MY beliefs and their journey or path is not my journey or path.

I need to love myself and let others deal with their stuff and issues Trying to go above and beyond is not loving to myself and is not giving myself unconditional love but Guilt, as the only reason I was pushing myself was to please others.

‘06 Nov 22 Issue; Asking for donations

When I went in to work and got to my station I was told that I had to ask people if they wanted to donate to the Salvation Army Christmas food drive. I said no, that it wasn’t my cause and that I wasn’t going to be asking people to support something that I had didn’t support. Not that I’m against the Salvation Army, but I’m not supporting a corporation or individual that feels it’s a worthy cause but instead of digging deep into their own pockets to do their good deed, they impose their will on others and get others to do the asking and the donating of time and money (energy) while they get the credit of doing a good deed along with the sale of products, as the product was not donated but sold. If the product was donated by the corporation or the person whose “cause” it was, then there would be no need to ask people to donate money to buy them.

The same woman then asked me if that also applied to me buying cookies for her daughter’s school. I said yes. She tried to guilt and shame me as she also made sure that she told every employee that came to cash that I refused to ask for donations and after the third time I got ticked and asked her how many more times do I have to say “NO” in order for her to hear me? She was quite after that. Another woman also spoke up and said that she didn’t feel good doing it either and she also refused. Since then, there are only two women, including her, that ask customers to donate. Now the box is in the lobby for those wishing to donate an item of their choice instead of being forced to donate the product item chosen by the store.

Nov 24 Friday 4:14 pm. Yesterday afternoon I spend a couple of hours at another local dollar store where I talked with Kim and Doug. I’ve stopped in there several times, even before I started working and we have been getting into deeper and deeper discussions. Today I told them of my experiences with Jen and Irene.

The temperature in the house was 18.5 C and I commented on it to Marian. Her reply was that it was warm outside (15C) so she turned the furnace off because it was still coming on. I said it was coming on because it was colder outside that inside. She argued that it was warmer outside with the sun. I shook my head and left it at that as there was no discussing her confused and fuzzy logic. Later I checked the programmable thermostat and all the settings were changed. I left them as they were.

’06 Nov 26 Sunday, A young woman had come into the store a couple of weeks ago and had given me a brochure of a man that she thought I should call. Today she came in again and offered to give me a hot stone treatment and she gave me her name and number.

’06 Nov 26 Sunday 10:30 am Christmas Party

The Christmas staff party was held last night and we had supper at a local restaurant. It was interesting to see the dynamics between the husbands and wives and I could see how and why the women were as they were at work, that all the women were emotionally repressed and suppressed and that while they may bitch and cry, in reality, there was no real emotional movement just a repeat of the same old… just in a different form. They all are hurting, some more than others and you also have a couple of “players” or actors that only pretend to feel and express emotions. In that way they are very similar to men except that they are also beneath or lower in many ways. Men in society are the socially dominant figure and are supposed to be manly, knowing, the protector and provider, while the woman is supposed to be the weaker, less knowing, the nurturer and care giver.

’06 Nov 28 I called the young woman re: the hot stone treatment and made arrangements to see her on Thursday.

B124 - Things that make you go Hummmm?

’06 Nov 14, I spoke to Jen today and she said that she and Cory were moving, that after 12 years of being in the same apartment, she was moving to a house. She talked about a book she had read and how she and Cory had made it their intent to get a house and how three days later, a house was made available to them. Although she was excited, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her as she is getting all the things she wanted (lost hopes dreams and desires) but it’s still in the old world of denial. She still feels that people, places and things will make her happy, to have what “other” people have and enjoy is a dream of hers. I also know there is an evil entity, Sasha, that fulfills ones Souls and Hearts desires and then takes both and I feel that is what is happening to Jen and Cory.

I called Irene and Dave her husband answered saying that she wasn’t feeling good because of the weather. I knew it wasn’t the weather, but I also knew that it was of no use to talk to Dave as he is set in his beliefs. Links to past posts...

Lisa, from Spiritual awareness board hadn’t posted for a month and now she is back and I feel that she has crossed over the line and that now more than 51% of her present essence is in denial. She is contradicting stuff she wrote earlier of her experiences and is now acting as if they never happened. She has also found a man that is love (Chemical reaction in the body) at first sight.. turns out she find out that he is also married.. and no what?

Jannokes, the young gay guy is also back on Lisa's board and he and Lisa have this phony lovey dovey-ness between them. He has also slipped back into denial and he did mention me as Mr. John and referred to my last post to him and how shocked he was but didn’t say anything else other than while he was gay, he still needed a woman’s energy and that is what Lisa was providing for him. I never responded as I felt the he too had decided that denial was his choice.


B123 - Activation and Issue; Responsibility without authority.

’06 Nov 15 Activation and Issue; Responsibility without authority. Doing a cashiers job is stressful in that you have all the responsibility for both providing a service for the customer, seeing that a product is packed properly and also responsible for collecting the money, public relations, and company image. You have all these duties and responsibilities, but no power or authority. If you make a mistake, you have to call the manager and in doing that the manager knows how many times they had to correct your mistake, even if it wasn’t yours but the customer changing their mind. You can’t fix it; you have no authority to un-do a simple key error without it coming to the awareness of the manager who has authority. Also, when you’re on cash, all the customers in the line also know that you made a mistake and the cause of them having to wait in line. If you were doing another job like stocking shelves, you could make a mistake and then correct it yourself without having to go to the manager and letting them know that you messed up.

But this is good as it’s reminding me of all the other jobs I had when I worked for a company and had similar responsibilities, but again, no authority to fix the problem. I had to obey the rules and take the abuse if I wanted to keep my job. I had to obey the rules and abuse if I wanted to have a roof over my head and food in my plate. I had to obey the rules and take the abuse if I didn’t want my family to suffer.

This also reminds me of when I was a child and my mother and how she treated us with threatening to send us to reform school or to sell us to the Indians or just abandoning us if we didn’t do as she said. She’d also comment on how each of us children were the off-spring of a different neighbour insinuating that Dad was not our real father and that we didn’t belong and that she was doing us a favor by providing a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and that we were being UNGRATEFUL in not doing what we were told. Children’s should be seen and not heard was another one of her favorite saying, meaning keep your mouth shut and do what you are told.

’06 Nov 17 Activation: Having to meet other people needs.
This morning I was feeling how I’m on call and am presently working six days a week. I felt how it’s was like when I had my own business and that just because people need my services, they need me and I have to be there for them. If I can make and keep them happy, they will be happy with me and if they are happy, I will be happy, or so I believed.

It’s not just my old business, but again my mother and father. If I had chores to do I had to have them done no matter what because if I didn’t, I’d get hell and be punished. Chores equal work - Work equals chores. Even if they weren’t my chores but one of my brothers or sisters, I had to cover for them because they were sick or whatever. My co-workers are like my brothers and sisters.

I speak my mind with customers if I feel they are playing games as I call it or pushing their unloving energy on me. I had a woman take her two year old out of the shopping cart and put him on the presently empty counter and Cash register next to me. When I finished serving the woman in front of her, she began to unload her cart leaving her child unattended on the counter and he was beginning to move all over the place. I motioned with my hand for her to take the child off the counter. She grabbed the child and put him on the floor and I could feel that she was ticked off with me. She then asked if we had more Santa Clause pins as she had picked up the last two in the box next to my register and asked me to check the other registers to see if there were more or if there was more in the back that I could get. I said that I didn’t know and that if she wanted to finish her shopping by stepping out of line, she could check them herself and she could ask one of the isle girls for help as I don’t have the time and it’s not my job.

That ticked her off even more and now her child started acting up. She glared at me and said “No, I don’t need it!” I looked her in the eye and asked, ”then why did you ask me? She didn’t say a word as she placed the rest of her order on the counter while also struggling to control her child that was now getting in other peoples way and also playing with the automatic doors. She paid for her stuff and left in a huff. I looked up to see who was next and I could see that the people in line were smiling and they could see that I wasn’t going to be controlled by the woman and I knew they knew I knew what I did and why.

I also made it a point that if I was returning to cash, that I would pick out the “next” person in line and make direct eye contact and that I would serve them first, even if others tried to butt in… No one would argue with me and most customers that were actually waiting in line smiled when I did that and formed a queue to my register. There were other similar circumstances, but I’m not going to go into them and no one to my knowledge has said anything to management about my interactions and there were times when management was aware of my dealings with specific customers and agreed with my handling of the situation.


B122 - Activation and Issue: Picking on people in a “jokey” manner

’06 Nov 30 Activation and Issue: Picking on people in a “jokey” manner
A couple of days ago the manager said something to the effect that if I did something to tic her off today that she would kick my ass. I didn’t respond in the moment as were both busy and going in opposite directions. Later I confronted her and asked her what she meant and she said that she was only joking with me and that she didn’t mean anything buy it. That’s an issue I have where either people are serious but say that what they said was only a joke, or they like me, and the only way they can show affection is either in an insulting or jokey manner. In this men and women are equal players.

The same woman that told me earlier to ask for food donations, asked me again for a Toy donation. But this time she didn’t ask me directly, she made it more into a statement where she said, “You’re still not asking people to give to the Salvation Army”. I challenged her but she denied and back tracked saying that she wasn’t asking or telling me that I should, only observing that I wasn’t. I knew what she had said and what she had meant and I asked her that if that wasn’t her intent and she already knew the answer, then why did she make the comment. She didn’t respond but turned to serve a customer. The next time she brings it up I will tell her what to do with herself,

4b ’06 Nov 29 4:42 am Activation and issue: having to pick up after others.
I have an issue and judgments with customers changing their minds and either dropping products they pick up in various bins thought-out the store or coming up to cash and then sorting out the items they want from the ones they don’t and then I or another cashier having to go and return them to their right place. It’s bringing up my childhood and me having to pick up after my siblings or my mother and of my mother changing her mind and saying to do it this way one time and then the next time her wanting it another way and I’m supposed to know what she wants this time. Or her saying that she wanted to do this, but then changing her mind and denying that she said the first comment.

I also have disappointment in that others don’t do what they say they are going to do. I also have judgment on me not to be that way. Not to change my mind, be a slob, not to make people have to pick up after me. Not to be like my mother.

This also ties into customers shopping and waiting until the store is closing or dilly dallying, fiddling with their purse or change, making me and others deliberately “wait” on them. They don’t seem to care, they take their sweet time, yet they are the pushy ones trying to get their stuff on the counter before the other person has finished… Hummm. Come to think of it, most of the women in my life have been that way. I’d be ready and woiuld have to wait on them and then rush to get there on time, ie the movies. Yet if I did that, there would be hell to pay.

OK, so what are the issues? How do I heal them, Hummm. Is this is also a reflection of how I am on myself? My book, am I procrastinating, of course I am. Am I pushing the envelope waiting until the doors are almost closed before I finally decide what I want?

Hummm, I can see how I also do that with other experiences; wait for other people to take the lead. Like with women. Now I’m basically waiting for them to approach me. I check them out and then let them decide if they want to peruse any sort of a relationship as I hold back. When I feel accepted and desired, then I move but otherwise its stop and go, not so much stop as just idling. So where is all this going? I don’t know.



B121 - Road Rage.... Evil in denial...

US car-deaths man given probation An 89-year-old American man whose car crashed into a farmers' market and killed 10 people has been sentenced to five years' probation for manslaughter.

The judge in Los Angeles said George Weller deserved time in jail but was too frail to survive behind bars..... Weller said he mistakenly pressed the accelerator instead of the brake when he drove into food stalls in Santa Monica in July 2003.

Weller was not in court to hear Judge Michael Johnson condemn his "stubborn and bull-headed refusal to accept responsibility"..... The judge said Weller had made "unbelievably callous statements" such as "just think how I felt" at the time of the crash..... "I'm convinced that Mr Weller deserves to go to prison," the judge said, but added that it "would not do anybody any good"

Weller was found guilty of vehicular manslaughter with gross negligence on the ninth day of jury deliberations..... He was excused attendance from the three-week trial for health reasons.

Witnesses said Weller was "seemingly nonplussed" moments after the accident..... Prosecutor Ann Ambrose said earlier in the trial: "He looked at what he had done, essentially shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Oops.'"

Weller's car travelled about 300m (1,000ft) and reached 60mph when it crashed, with one victim's body tangled underneath and another draped across the car. The victims ranged in age from seven months to 78 years.... In addition to the dead, the accident left 63 people injured.
And on a related subject.....

Trial ordered in deadly hit-and-run case SAN FRANCISCO - An SUV driver accused of running down 19 people in a deadly spree through streets and sidewalks was found competent to stand trial after his medication was changed..... Police arrested Omeed Aziz Popal on Aug. 29 after surrounding his sport utility vehicle with squad cars. By then, victims had been hit at more than a dozen locations in Fremont and San Francisco, and a 54-year-old man had been killed in Fremont, where Popal lives.

Popal, 29, was found competent Wednesday to stand trial in San Francisco on 18 counts of attempted murder and assault with a deadly weapon, plus single counts of battery on a peace officer and reckless evasion from police. He is suspected of murder in Fremont.


B120 - Things happening on the Internet.

A few days ago on '06 Nov 07 I received the following in a series of questions that I got from All-Experts. I've posted them along with my replies on my Blog as the questions were marked “public” so it will also be posted to the net via All Experts. The reason I’m posting it is because this is the first e-mail that I’ve received that was from the “other” side, the other polarity, and in a physical body who was actually communicating similar but different issues and views.

It was no coincidence that I also answered a forum question regarding a woman’s dream and the word “Nuah” which is the Mesopotamian god of intelligence. I add this here as the two are related…

I took the liberty to add some pictures and links....

**************** This is the series of e-mails ********************************

’06 Nov 04 – Question 1------ How do I meet my higher self - been on the astral most of my life. Come see me some time , Mr Hoover http://www.answers.com/topic/j-edgar-hoover says you are an honest man. Long story made really brief after 2000 years of being a first rate professional warrior I am hoping I can not take away life anymore.

Answer -----
Hi Chris,

Make it your INTENT to meet your higher self when you are astral traveling... Who is Mr Hoover? Herbert, Edgar.. or vacuum cleaner guy. Time to lay down the sword and to stop the battle.. the inner battle with yourself...


Question 2 ------ Edgar - head of my security staff. Can my higher self help me on earth - my astral form is far superior to my earth one , sharper , better fighter and more knowledge. I have made it my intent to meet my higher self - It doesnt seem to want to meet me , a few troops volnteered to find it and drag it to me - thats not working out. the battle within has created a sort of low electrical current and a constant desire for more knowledge and training that i am not good enough. what will happen to me if i stop fighting will i lose motivation to continue improving

Hi Chris,

It's interesting to hear you discuss your "problems" as you are the first one from the "other" side that has e-mailed me asking for help... Your issues are not that different from mine.. except that they are reversed.. Even your description of a "low electrical current" is similar to my condition and experience.. but for entirely opposite reasons...

There is nothing that I can do to help you as whatever I would say would be the opposite for you... You are battling for control.. while I am battling to release control.. You desire knowledge and training to improve your position.. I'm desire love, life and truth...I don't know if you are ready to reverse your polarity yet or not.. but that is the only thing that will save you and re-charge the physical and astral energy field you mention... You will, for a short time, be able to maintain your energy in the astral plane by your attachments and control of others both in the astral plane and in the physical.

I also find it interesting that I don't hate or fear you... and I also can't say I feel sorry for you either.. as you are what you are... and it's your choice... I can also see that you will now be experiencing what I have been experiencing in this creation... and that is a loss of power...

I don't know if you want to continue this dialogue.. but I am open to hear your views and opinions and feelings if you care to share them....

Question 3----- To whom or what are you giving up control - How are you certain that whatever it is really wants what is best for you?. I am lead on a house full of people - cant afford to give up fully , I also have a long list of enemies that would love nothing more then by head on a platter. How do I ensure whatever I an reversing to is actually better hen what I have got now.

Hi Chris,

I am not giving up control to anyone or anything outside of myself... I am giving up my control of me by ending my denials of ALL aspects of myself... and in that... I am taking my power back... In ending my denials, I also end my need to control others and also of enabling others to control me...

For me, it has been up until now... both an energy and physical battle.. Trying to live, one step ahead of who or what I thought was out to put my head on a platter... or at least.. to control and dominate my so-called life....

If what you have doesn't make you happy, and what you desire is the opposite of what you have, then you need to move in the opposite direction... If more power and control only brings more work, stress, enemies and people wanting to take your head.. then you need to take a real hard look to see if there ever can be any peace and happiness with that way of life... Even those at the of the food chain are not happy or peaceful as they need to continually enforce their power over the masses they control

What do you mean by, "I am lead on a house full of people" ... Are these people directly under your control... and are you talking astral.. physical or both? And why are you leading them?


Question 4 ----- by acknowledging all aspects of yourself and taking responsibilty you set yourself free ? I work six days a week eight hours d day and I still cant pass the tests I want in information technology - granted they are all Master and Expert titles and I am just starting out. I acknowledge that I am not what i used to be and I am moving as quickly as my earthly limations allow to find employment and improve things here.

As far as the astral goes , I had an ex-wife/supposed guardian angel who wasnt. Seperated me from my family tried to kill me , told me so many lies I dont know the truth about that section of this life. Started with building a house for myself and eleven others - twelve of us had been soldiers for many years in the same armies. Let the house become more then a house - now has well over three trillion googleplex people living in it all the services and entertainment needed to cater to such a population.

I try not to use any sort of force as a leader - I consider myself a central point for all departments to coordinate between and a troubleshooter for all manner of problems interapersonal and medical included.Usually I just speak and people are willing to help , seems i am some sort of Oracle to them which was never my desire or intent , I like helping people - as an empath I dont get much choice. During time of war people are trying to kill you thats how the war business goes when you have done it for two thousand years you tend to forget whos family you had to kill.

Hi Chris,

In reply to your question.. "by acknowledging all aspects of yourself and taking responsibility you set yourself free?" the answer is yes.

I have a couple of questions for you. I'm a little confused as you say you and eleven others have been fighting in the same armies.. Is that as mercenaries or for the US government.. or.. for the "New World Order" that is running the US and other world governments..

I'm also confused with the Googleplex...and the thirteen trillion people... I take it you are referring to some form of the google/Internet/content... And are you also working for, or with Google in the field of advanced information technology? Hummm.. If that's the case... then you know all about me and what I have been posting.. who has been visiting my sites and yadda, yadda, yadda. So then why are we in this conversation? Things that make one go Hummmm? So what am I missing?

I'm also curious about why you say you have only been fighting for the past 2000 years, as that puts your first incarnation at around the time of Christ..and if that has any significance to the wars you have been in?


Question 5 ------ Question: Google is a unit of measure equivlent to one with one hundred zeros after it - googleplex is the plural Its rather weird that all twelve of us have always been together - weve fought in just about every major conflict - Battle of Hastings in 1058 WW1 WW2 War of the roses are a few of the standouts. Eoman fronts in the persian wars was also a knuckledragger - just a small sampling. Almost always as some sort of elite grouping

These are the wars I can recall like it was yesterday. This form I am not a soldier - my first as something else. I dont know what i am supposed to do with this form - for some reason I feel called to IT security.I have too long a lineage to totally give up on my astral responsibilities yet I dont know how to balance both earth and astral I try so hard not to hurt people anymore - yet I seem to have a knack for causing emoional injuries.Assuming the statements " Reincarnation is a way for you to learn those lessons you missed in another life " and "when you learn all the lessons you ascend someplace " are true , when I go through my timeline and reexperience all of it instead of the samples i mentioned using all of my senses to achieve total awareness , I should walk away with all the questions awnsered. I just dont know how to get a long regression like that or how to ensure I dont change the past by accident

Hi Chris,

When you say "astral responsibilities" do you also mean your job as a remote view and using that information to influence or control physical experiences?

Last night I got the reason why you are drawn to "information technology" instead of physical fighting, you are now fighting with the pen (INFORMATION)... "The pen is mightier than the sword" .... That phrase has a double meaning.. for you it's... Kill a man with a sword and you had rid yourself of an enemy. Change the way he thinks, and you control not only his mind, but his body to do your bidding... Which has more power?

For me it's the opposite... Share your truth openly and you give others and opportunity to not only change their minds and beliefs but to also free themselves of their old beliefs that have controlled them and kept them in bondage.

You said that you don't want to hurt people but that you have a "knack" of causing emotional injury... Emotions and feelings are what you hate and so... true to your nature, you have a natural way of getting into another persons denied emotions and feelings and activating them into their pain. You are unaware of these emotions in yourself as you don't have them and can't feel them, and yet they are what you are really fighting against... to control others who are not like you.. That also ties in with the reincarnation cycle and re-experiencing the same old stuff... SSDD same shit...different day...

I keep getting that you are the (11) others have something to do with Jesus
and the (12) apostles... Care to comment on that?

>>>>> NO FURTHER REPLY <<<<<<<<

I still haven’t figured out who his is ands why he contacted me and if anyone has any ideas or feelings, drop me a line.

B119 - Things happening at the house.

Marian (ex-wife) is always complaining about money, but the more she gets, the more she spends. Recently I had told her that my glasses were six years old and that I had stopped in at a optical place that was having a sale, to see about getting my eyes tested and maybe a new pair as these were scratched, but that even with the sale, they were still too pricy for me. She told me that her glasses were almost two years ago, and then a couple of days later she went out and got herself new glasses and frames for over $550.00. A couple of days later, she went out and ordered prescription sunglasses for another $375.00.

I picked up an Eddy Bauer jacket like new, at the Salvation Army for $7.00. She had to have a new winter coat and went out and spent $175. She gets her hair done twice a month as well as her nails and facial. She now found out that she doesn’t have to pay municipal taxes for November and December and now she’s planning a trip to Scotland, where our son and his wife are moving to and where she originally game from. The list goes on and on.

What she is doing is selfish, not self-love, as I feel that she has to have what others have in order to be happy and if she doesn’t get it or have it, she gets depressed. It’s the same old Marian that I married and could never please, no matter how much money I gave her, it was never enough and it’s still the same. She believes that money brings happiness and love.

I’ve also noticed that whatever I do, she wants to do, even if she can’t physically do it. When I got the part time job, she wanted to get a part time job and asked me to see if they were still hiring. I buy my own groceries and at first she says that what she has is better, but when I don’t switch and she tastes my food, she switches to my food. She didn't like banannas when I moved in and now she does. She didn’t like 12 grain bread, now she does. She disn't like perogies, now she likes them too. Whatever I eat, she now also eats, including my food when she doesn’t have any and that is beginning to tick me off as I got to fix myself something to eat and it’s gone.

B118 - Things happening at Work

I’ve been working five to six days a week and I’ve neglected posting to my Blog, although I’ve been busy with my other Blogs. Work is getting interesting as all the little things are beginning to surface. I’ve also had my share of issues in dealing with customers and in my expressing myself, my way. While I have ruffled a few customer feathers, I have also seen that my actions were not only observed, but approved, not only by customers but also by my peers who witnessed my dealings with these people.

For instance, I was dealing with an elderly woman and she was just beginning to pay me when another woman started unloading her shopping card to the counter and she was shoving the elderly lady aside. I stopped and raised my hand and told her to get her stuff off the counter and to back off until this lady had finished her business. She pretended she didn’t hear me and so I repeated myself but this time more forcefully. She seemed shocked but quickly removed her items. Other people in line behind the woman just smiled. The older lady smiled and moved back to her original position and paid me. After she left, the pushy woman put her stuff on the counter and never said a word as she paid for her order and left.

Also the manager, a young woman, activated me into issues with my mother and authority. One time it was her words that confused me and another time it was her actions and instead of asking questions and challenging her, I was activated into my confusion, and fear and into panic and I tried to mind read what she said, wanted or needed. After all she was the boss (my mother, the authority figure) she gave me the job (my mother housed and fed me) and I have to make her happy because if she’s not happy with me, I will suffer the consequences. Just like what I used to do with my mother, but for different reasons.

Later I talked to her about it and thanked her for activating me. She apologized for her actions as she understood that she didn’t explain what she was doing or wanting. I said no apology required, just that the next time, I will not be reacting the way I did as I am now aware of why I went into my panic and fear, due to my confusion and unresolved issues with my mother. She said she understood, but I felt she was confused with my reference to her and my mother.

I also have the assistant manager, another young woman who is trying to set me up with her mother-in-law, who also works at the store. While the mother-in-law is sociable, I am not attracted to her and I also feel hat she is set very set in her ways. In general, I’m having have fun with the customers and fellow employees as I let me be me and let them be them. I don’t know if I mentioned this before but I’m the only man in the store and the first in more than three years.



B117 - People with yellow hands... and ... Duality and Polarity

Well this is my last post of this month and also a short one.

My part time job is interesting as I get to meet all kinds of people with all kinds of energy and issues. Yesterday, for about half an hour, I was noticing that some peoples hands (their palms especially) were a faint but distinct yellow in colour. I thought it was the light but my my hands were a pinky-red as were some others. I noticed it on men, women, young, old and even some children. I didn't pick up any particular energy from them.. I just saw the yellow colour.. I don't know what it means...yet. If anyone has any ideas.. leave a comment.


Well maybe not so short... I decided to post this piece on Duality...

Duality is the other part of us that we have been fighting with since the dawn of creation. Dual means two of; two legs, two arms, two eyes, left and right.. But we are not fighting with these physical parts of us.. like our right arm wants to take over the left arm. What we're fighting against is our polarity double... It's an energy form of us that is of the opposite polarity that wants to take over our physical body. I'm sure you have heard of the "inner critic"... well now you know a bit more. Of course... if your inner critic is already in control... then you will feel that you don't have an inner critic...

Hot-cold, up-down, are opposite polarities. If hot wanted to take over colds place or space, it would destroy both hot and cold. If (-) energy tries to take the space of (+) energy it would also destroy both, like hooking up the (-) lead of a car battery to the (+) terminal... it creates a short circuit, sparks fly and the battery is destroyed.

Like the Yin Yang symbol, our opposite unloving (-) polarity has a right to exist in a way that it desires, but not by over-riding and trying to take the place of the (+) love polarity, and what the (+) love polarity desires.

What is coming to creation now is right place where everyone can do what they desire without over-riding, manipulating or controlling another against their Will. It is now right time for right space and place to come into manifestation and to end the struggle that has been going on between so-called good and evil since the beginning of creation. Right now.. the Yin Yang symbol is not black and white as shown, but is a washed out gray on both sides... Right place will restore the balance in creation.