B47 - Body Issues (Fight, run, give up)

’06 June 26, 2006

Now that I’ve started blogging my issues with Body, I’m going to try to carry on as best I can to show you the processes that I’m going through in healing and understanding my body and its issues. I’m starting to write this more than two weeks after the fact so it will take a bit of time to catch up.

’06 June 10 3:10 am

I think that our body has its own feelings and intuition, separate from, yet linked to our Will and its intuition, feelings and emotions. Our Body also has the five senses that are used to inform the mind with information on what the body is experiencing. It’s interesting that our four of our five senses are closely related to our head and only our sense of touch is experienced throughout our entire body. Although that ‘s the way it presently is, I have a feeling that that’s not how it’s mean to be.

’06 June 11

Well it’s interesting that all this is stuff about Body is coming up as today I feel that my infection is also coming back as I have pains in my kidneys and lower back and my lower pelvic area is also sensitive. I don’t have the pain in my testicles yet, but I feel that it wouldn’t be long off. I can’t get comfortable even the back of my neck is hurting and I’m breaking into a hot sweat.

I feel that it’s my 1^st and 2^nd chakras that are affected. My body is holding “negative” energy that needs to be released. But the negative energy I’m referring to is not what is generally referred negative emotions, but rather “reversed polarity” energy that I’ve turned back on my self and that I’ve taken in, that I’ve forced my Body to hold by being unloving to it.

As I’m lying on my bed, not knowing which way to turn to get relief, I feel I just want to crawl away from the pain and discomfort. There are moments when my legs feel numb and tingling. My sore neck is also giving me a headache and I just want to close my eyes and sleep.

Humm! This is interesting? I just realized that it’s the same old; fight, run, and give up syndrome that I have with my emotions. I don’t want to feel pain or be sick (fight), I want to crawl away when I do (run), or I want to sleep (give up). All these escape mechanisms are the same ones that I used on my emotions when I was denying them. What I did to begin to heal my Will, my intuition, and emotions was to surrender, surrender to Love, to self-love. Humm! But what is it in terms of my healing my body? How do I identify the who, what, where, when and why of what I’m experiencing as pain in my Body. How do I change my imprints, programs and beliefs as far as my body is concerned? Lots of questions, but few answers as yet.

JR