B90 - Depression and imprinting

’06 Sept 27 ..... Wednesday 10:00 a.m. Marian was talking about her grandmother and how she died and that the death certificate said that she died of Alzheimer’s and pneumonia. Marian said that she felt that she also suffered from depression. I said, “She didn’t suffer from depression, but that she suffered as a result of her continued denial of why she was depressed and the secrets she was keeping.” Marian shrugged her shoulder and changed the subject.

I felt that depression was common in Marian’s family as her grandmother, mother and she has it. I feel that Marians depression is due in part to her being the only and (lonely) child as her mother, Rose was very distant and rarely expressed any real emotions and Marians dad, Jock, was a mans man and that mean a stiff upper lip and no show of emotion either. Rose had a rough childhood and never healed her issues, so she brought Marian up in the only what she knew how which wasn’t though a display of real emotions and love, but by buying her love, like new clothes, or things or eating out.

When I married Marian, she had to have the best of everything and while I couldn’t afford to give her the things she wanted, her mother could and did. Marian was just responding to old habits and her belief of what love was. She became depressed after Bryan was born as she now felt that she didn’t have the freedom to do what she wanted to do, or to have the things she wanted as now she was also responsible for feeding, clothing an caring for a child.

She was accustomed to getting and doing what she wanted and when she entered the unknown territory of motherhood, she found that it was taking away her comfort and happiness, instead of adding to it. She was running on her old programs and beliefs that said, new things brought happiness and when she didn't get it, she became depressed. At the time, neither of us knew what was really going on and we trusted the Doctors.

She still believes what her Doctors told her over the years that she is suffering from bi-polar, manic depression among other things, brought on by a chemical imbalance in her brain. To Marian, the problem is outside herself and not her or within her, or if it is within her, it is only what the doctors have told her regarding a chemical imbalance.