B22 - Reading between the lines

Hi again,

Well I'm being activated into issues of power and abuse of power. I don't know where all this is going but I'll know when I get there, in the mean time I'll just express what I what I'm seeing, hearing and feeling. In the course of my journey I’ve come to know more about what’s really going on, not by what is being said, but by what is not being said, in reading between the lines.

In the ’06 Jan. 27 edition of the Times and Transcript, (Moncton NB, Canada), the front page headline read, “Harper wouldn’t “cosy up” to US.” Now while Stephen Harper blew some hot air flexing his independence muscles on Canadian sovereignty in the Artic, it became quite apparent that he was of the “Bush” mindset and agenda when he stated that although it was not an official “party” or “Canada” position, he hinted that he would not be recognizing the recently elected Palestinian Hamas government stating that they were terrorists, then added that he supports the Israelis and their right to “defend” themselves. What he carefully omitted or denied saying, but implied, was that Israel is justified in attacking Palestinians and that the Palestinians have no right to defend themselves and that if they attack Israel, they’re deemed terrorists who need to be eliminated.

Then on C-12 of the same issue there’s a picture and headline stating that “Hamas sweeps Palestinian elections” capturing 76 out of 132 seats in a democratic election ending four decades of (keyword) “corrupt” rule of the Fatah party. Tired of being abused by their government and by the Israelis, the Palestinians held a free election and decided that they needed a change. True democracy in action, and isn’t that what “freedom” and Bush says his agenda is all about? So what’s the problem? If democracy is “good,” then why is the Palestinian political party “Hamas” labeled terrorists? And why is the so-called “Free World” afraid of this democratic election? Could the real reason be because they’re seeing what “real” democracy and freedom is; where the Will and issues of the people are given a real voice and not the façade of a voice only at election time. Where the Will of the people is expressed and not the will of the political parties via the hidden agendas of the “back room” boys that control them.

Is a persons desire to be free of oppression evil? Stephen Harper just won the Canadian federal election and part of his mandate was to end the “corruption” of the existing Liberal party. Is Stephen Harper evil for desiring to remove the corrupt Liberals from power? Does ending political corruption defines a party as being terrorists, and if so, shouldn’t Harper and his conservatives also be labeled terrorists?

Since 911, the term terrorist applies to any person or group that is fighting back, that doesn’t bow to personal, political or religious intimidation, oppression, cohesion, exploitation and control; that refuse to follow traditional dogma, that questions hidden agendas and are upsetting the status quo of those in POWER. It’s interesting that in both politics and religion it’s the old “do as I say, don’t do as I do” rule. Terrorist, radical, traitor, heretic, witch, pagan, etc. same paint, different brush. And while you may disagree that religion and politics are bed fellows; that doesn’t change the fact that they are.

After 911 and the failed Afghanistan “war on terrorism,” the Bush administration invaded Iraq under the pretense that Saddam Hussein was involved with terrorists and that he had weapons of mass destruction? But then when none were found, (but of course they already knew that) the US changed their story to say that now they were liberating a ravaged country from the hands of a sadistic dictator and were going to bring “Democracy” to this impoverished land because “Democracy” means freedom for the people as it gives them choice and power. If democracy was his true agenda, he would praise the Hamas, instead of labeling them terrorists. Of course the hidden agenda is not democracy at all, but control of the Arab oil supply and creating a military base in the Middle East, but of course that’s flatly denied as the truth would remove those in power. Saddam Hussein was a dictator, Bush is the also, the only difference is that Saddam didn’t pretend he wasn’t. Another point is all this is that the Hamas are an Islamic based religion and in conflict with Judaism and Christianity. (Religion and Politics)

In the ’06 Jan. 23 issue of the Times and Transcript, there was an article where Israel was basically threatening to use nuclear force to fight terrorism. (Now the question that is who sold Israel its sophisticated modern military weapons and its nuclear arsenal? I’ll give you one guess and your right. The other day, France basically joined Israel’s ideology, fearing and condemning Iranians as terrorists wanting to expand their nuclear program. Countries with a well organized military presence and nuclear weapons have a hidden agenda, they don’t want to give up control and anyone who complains and acts out against being dominated and controlled by these countries are deemed terrorists who must be eradicated. Excuse me but there’s a big difference between someone throwing a rock at an invading army tank and someone using a nuclear weapon or threatening to do so if you don’t do as they say. Sure, things are escalating, but guerilla tactics and suicide bombers are unfortunately the most effective weapon these impoverished countries have in their arsenal against these well organized and sanctioned “military terrorists.”

If you think that all these “foreign” issues have nothing to do with “our” democracy and freedom, I’ll give you another example that brings this a little closer to home. In the same issue there was another article stating that (in Canada) if you defaced or destroyed your election ballot, or you created a disturbance in public, that you are committing an illegal act, punishable by a jail sentence and a criminal record. But, if you defaced your ballot in private, or you chose not to vote, that was OK. So what that’s saying is that you can’t openly or publicly disagree or criticize the political democratic system. DENIAL of self expression is acceptable, but any vocal expression or physical action of distain, disgust or anger is not acceptable even if the people that it’s directed at are not present. Yep, that’s the democracy and the freedom we’re fighting to save? Sadly, democracy only offers the façade of freedom. You have only to look at our neighbors to the south to see how their own personal freedom and liberties have been all but abolished in the “name of” freedom and in “protecting” their freedom. Don’t be fooled, we as Canadians, are only one step removed from the same conditions. Food for thought.



B21 - Democracy???

Hi everyone,

I just checked my web site statsics and noticed that the US MIltary has hit saysame 8 times this month... It's interesting how AFRAID the worlds greatest super power is although they'll DENY they're afraid. If they weren't afraid, then why would they be so paranoid and always be "looking" for so-called "terrorists." They're spooked... And the more spooked they become, the more paranoid and the more controls they feel they need to keep them safe all in the "name of freedom" or protecting democracy and freedom.

What they're afraid of is a shift in power, like the one happening in Palestine. True democracy at work, but NOT in the way Big Brother would like it. The acceptable form of democracy is like the one we just experienced in Canada where we elected Harper,a conservative and a "Bush" cronie, who after a brief chat with the Pres. announced that he was not recognizing the Hamas political party who recently won the Palestine democratic free election and went on to call them terrorists. As Canadians, the only democratic process we have is actually a facade of democracy, where the only power the people have is in electing their choice of carefully "pre-selected" cantidates that don't express the WILL of the people, but rather the will of the party and those secretly behind the party who have self-interest intentions.

This blog will probably get a lot more "hits" from the US military as I've used some "KEY" words that I'm sure they will be monitoring. I'm doing this to see just how paradoid they actually are... I'll keep you posted, unless our so so-called democracy and "freedom of speech" is now subject to the "Secret Government" limits and control and my site blocked or removed.



B20 - Fear of Power

B510-10 Fear of Power

After posting 510-09 “Being a Hypercritic,” I was leaving the mall where I had been doing my WiFi (wireless internet) and I realized that this also has to do with my issues of having power. Having this feeling of power is a weird or rather foreign feeling as powerless is what I’m used to feeling. It’s not a power over someone or something, but a more of a feeling of an internal power, of being alive and being who you are. It’s not that I’m going to go out and overpower others, but rather that I will no longer choose to allow others to overpower me or rather, for me to over power myself.

Guilt and shame is also involved, as I feel guilt telling me that it’s wrong to have power, that you’ll misuse it. Now I feel it attacking my emotions saying that you can’t just express what you feel willy nilly, you have to have control, there are rules, morality and the right way of doing things. I’m thinking to myself, yea bring it on, and keep yakking away, let me hear everything you have to say. Now I hear it saying, there, that’s it, see, now you’re getting cocky, smug, a fucking know it all. You’re going to blow it for all of us. You’ve never had real power and you don’t know how to handle it. I heard the word “her” and then I felt a shift and the word “it” was repeated over and over as if trying to erase what was said. “Her” is the right word as the Will has and is the power, but until now she has been repressed and denied. Free Will, that’s what this New World and New Era is all about.

Humm, now it’s shut up… nada, not a word… and that’s OK as my intent is to move guilt and unloving light out of and off of me and to allow unconditional love to fill the space that guilt and unloving light have occupied. Now I feel like it’s back there with unloving light re-grouping whatever forces they have left for another attack.

I’ve been having back pains off and on these past two weeks and now they are back again this time more in the lower back and up between the shoulder blades over my heart. I feel that it also has to do with allowing my emotions expression and in recognizing and moving guilt out of me. I feel the pain in my back has to do with healing my chakras and the issues that are “moving” there or that want to move.

Humm, It’s interesting that with this feeling of power I’m also noticing a feeling of fearlessness. That whatever comes up is OK, that…(pause) I feel I was blocked there for a moment as my mind went blank. What I was feeling is almost gone but it was like no matter what, I’m going to be OK although I might not feel like that in the moment I’m threatened or attacked, but when I allow myself to be me and to express myself, then I’ll be empowered and will have nothing to fear. By threatened I mean feeling the presence of unloving light. This feeling of power is not like anything I’ve felt before, not like a feeling of power that comes from an accomplishment or winning. It’s not about that kind of power. Also at this moment I have a renewed jest for life and for my writing. Humm, I think the word is passion.



B19 - Being a hypocrite

Hi everyone,

A few days ago I had another realization and insight that I want to share. I’m presently rooming with a woman and her daughter. The woman is a born again Christian who has said that she is open to new ideas. She has asked me questions and I have shared openly, and we have agreed to disagree, however, I felt that no matter what I shared it didn’t matter. If what I said fit her agenda, her beliefs according to the word of God (the bible) then it wasn’t acceptable. There were times when we’d get into religion and I showed her direct contradictions in the bible. She would say “interesting” and that would be the end of it, door closed, but the bible and her original beliefs would remain. Other times she would quote some biblical passage and I’d comment that if that’s unconditional love and the truth as you say it is, then why you are not walking your talk? Do it! Why do you say one thing yet do another? Why do you ask me or your daughter to do what you yourself do not do? She’d always have some excuse like she is only human, we’re here to suffer like Jesus, it’s not her Will but God’s Will be done, God works in mysterious ways, we’re all sinners and come short of the glory of God, that I need to accept Jesus as my savior, that I need to be filled with the Holy Ghost, the list goes on and on. I became frustrated with her hypocrisy.

I awoke around 1:00 a.m. with the realization and insight that it wasn’t her that was the hypocrite… but me! I was doing the exact same thing she was. I wasn’t walking my talk. While I’ve experienced and am aware of the flaws in organized religion that are based in conditional love, I also have awareness and experiences with unconditional love. Unconditional love is what I feel inside me, what I desire, what I want to live and experience and is what I am. But, and this is where my hierocracy comes in, I wasn’t walking my talk, I wasn’t being unconditional and “real,” I was still “trying” to be nice, kind, considerate, understanding and all the other “phony” beliefs that are part of conditional love. Although I know the difference between the two, I was still trying to get her to understand what I feel and believe unconditional love is, trying to quietly convert her like she was trying to do to me. It wasn’t about her Christian beliefs or any other religion; it’s about ME walking my talk, about me being “real” and practicing unconditional love instead of just mouthing it.

This is a good example of how others “mirror” or show us our issues that we think are their problems and issues and not ours. That it’s not what they are doing that is important, but what you are not doing. Having realized that it was then time to walk my talk and I did so the next morning as I thanked her and shared my insights. As the morning went on I got see, feel and express the things that I had ignored and denied before. Needless to say our conversations since then have been basic. She had mentioned a couple of times that she has to watch her words with me and I feel that she is withdrawing as she’s not comfortable being challenged and not in control.

It’s interesting that since my first awakening experience to unconditional love, many of my realizations had to do with me being the hypocrite but this realization is also at a different level. I say different level (scratching my head, a sign of anxiousness, stress and fear) as this involves how I interact with people on a daily basis. It’s hard to explain but I feel that I can’t be “real,” be me if I indulge in what I’ve been calling “shit chat.” While I’ve been calling it when I see it, I also haven’t walked my talk. There is often a lot going on that I’m aware of during these “shit chat” conversations that I didn’t get into to, including getting into a conversation in the first place. Most times it’s not me that initiates the conversation but I get drawn in and before I realize it I’m caught up and going on my old imprints, programs and beliefs. And beyond that, knowing what I know, I’m also trying to help others in the same way I was doing as I explained in the previous paragraph.

People can’t see tree for the forest. I’ve seen the forest (conditional love), been there done that, and I’ve also seen the tree (unconditional love). I’m a tree, and for people to see me I have to stand out from the forest to be noticed. Once they notice me, that there is a difference between the tree and the forest, that’s when they’ll begin their journey and it has nothing to do with me saving or helping them other than by me being “real.”

It’s interesting that all my life I’ve felt like I’m in two different worlds. I’ve tried to survive by tip-toeing my way around this world of conditional love full of denial and guilt and now it’s time to be real again. My fear is that if I’m real, if I am who I am, if I speak my truth, then I’ll be attacked or that people will withdraw and have nothing to do with me. This is nothing new as it’s bringing up past lives around these same issues of speaking my truth. Humm…. I just heard a soft voice say, “and the truth shall set you free.” Well, like the saying, you never know unless you try and unless you try, you’ll never know, here goes a leap of faith. I’ll let you know how things develop.

NOTE: In typing this piece I just realized that this also has to do with guilt. I know that every time I don’t allow, or deny my spontaneous expression, that it indicates a lack of self acceptance of who and how I am, and on how I express myself. As long as I have guilt, it stops me from being who I am and I’m actually giving my power and essence to those that I lack spontaneous expression with. When I express myself, guilt moves out and unconditional love moves in and I not only reclaim my power, but I’m free from being controlled by guilt and others who are feeding off me. Guilt was also involved in my trying to save others as I should not be better than or have anything others don’t have; I have to give to receive and all the rest of that BS (Belief System). Hey, it’s been a great day!!! Another “bonus” for expressing myself and being real.

Link to: The Heart Centre Message Board - 501

Sermon, Rant or the Truth (You take your pick)


B18 - Moncton Update

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since my last post so I'll bring you up to speed. I left Kelowna, BC in August and spent a couple of weeks making my way back to Ontairo. I stayed in Ontario for almost two months before making my way to the Maritimes. After about three weeks I ended up in Moncton, New Brunswick where I am at the present moment.

I've been working on my second manuscript and also dealing with any issues that come up... It's interesting that in all the Maritimes, Moncton is most "religious" city of them all with 95% of the people being christian... Maritimers have a reputation of being laid back, friendly and polite... and they are very much like the movie "Pleasantville" ... While the facade may be friendly and polite, it's an entirely different world underneath. The reason I'm mentioning this is that it was also an activation for me and another level of healing.

I'm don't have a permanent internet connection and I'm using the WiFi wireless internet in the mall to do this post... In the future, I'll be writing my posts at home and then transfering them to this blog..

Bye for now