B117 - People with yellow hands... and ... Duality and Polarity

Well this is my last post of this month and also a short one.

My part time job is interesting as I get to meet all kinds of people with all kinds of energy and issues. Yesterday, for about half an hour, I was noticing that some peoples hands (their palms especially) were a faint but distinct yellow in colour. I thought it was the light but my my hands were a pinky-red as were some others. I noticed it on men, women, young, old and even some children. I didn't pick up any particular energy from them.. I just saw the yellow colour.. I don't know what it means...yet. If anyone has any ideas.. leave a comment.


Well maybe not so short... I decided to post this piece on Duality...

Duality is the other part of us that we have been fighting with since the dawn of creation. Dual means two of; two legs, two arms, two eyes, left and right.. But we are not fighting with these physical parts of us.. like our right arm wants to take over the left arm. What we're fighting against is our polarity double... It's an energy form of us that is of the opposite polarity that wants to take over our physical body. I'm sure you have heard of the "inner critic"... well now you know a bit more. Of course... if your inner critic is already in control... then you will feel that you don't have an inner critic...

Hot-cold, up-down, are opposite polarities. If hot wanted to take over colds place or space, it would destroy both hot and cold. If (-) energy tries to take the space of (+) energy it would also destroy both, like hooking up the (-) lead of a car battery to the (+) terminal... it creates a short circuit, sparks fly and the battery is destroyed.

Like the Yin Yang symbol, our opposite unloving (-) polarity has a right to exist in a way that it desires, but not by over-riding and trying to take the place of the (+) love polarity, and what the (+) love polarity desires.

What is coming to creation now is right place where everyone can do what they desire without over-riding, manipulating or controlling another against their Will. It is now right time for right space and place to come into manifestation and to end the struggle that has been going on between so-called good and evil since the beginning of creation. Right now.. the Yin Yang symbol is not black and white as shown, but is a washed out gray on both sides... Right place will restore the balance in creation.


B116 - Talked with Irene on her Birthday Day....

I called Irene last night as it was her birthday. I had called he a few times since I left in September but there was never an answer. Last night, Dave her husband answered and she took the call. After I wished her a happy birthday her first comment was, "Boy do you have issues, you sure took off without even saying good bye." I told her that I felt any contact would have only driven her deeper into denial. She disagreed and began re-counting the night she was activated. I asked her what healing and insights did she get from that night and if she thought that I was still evil?

Again, she started back into the night that I had activated her and how I was evil and on and on... I said, see... nothing has changed.. you still have the same beliefs that you had when I left... You haven't healed anything or learned anything from that experience. I said that I could see her point of view, but could she see mine.. and if she couldn't.. was she open to hear what I had to say about that night... She stopped, and then asked what my point of view was.

I told her of the insights that I got and I tied it in with her story and how she saw it... While she admited that some of what I said made sense, she still felt that she was right and that what I was saying was only meant to trick her again.... At the end, she said, "we always get caught up when we get close" and then when I asked her if she realized that comment also referred to her, she started coughing so much that we couldn't continue our conversation...


PS: The following links provide background infor to this post..
Fear and denial
Fear, Denial and Activation
Fear, denial, activation and Insights

B115 - Re: Work and Male/female and Female/male issues...

I've been busy with work and doing my other blog posts and e-mails, so now it's time to get caught up on my blog. I'm just beginning to get into the swing of things at my part time job and I'm getting comfortable working with people and cash. It's interesting to feel the diffeent energies and dynamics of what is going on around me and with my interactions with them. I feel people taken off guard or surprised at my directness. If I feel them pushing at me, I ask them to wait, or to stop... and tell them why. If they are confused, I express acceptance for their confusion and try to help them if so directed. If I'm confused, I also have acceptance for that and I express it and either ask for help or get myself un-confused without going into a panic attack.

The other day I was in the lunch room and I read an article in a movie type magazine about a young girl that was saying that she was a man trapped in a womans body and that she wants to be a man. As I read her story I felt how she, as a Spirit, has issues with being a woman and that she came into this incarnation to specifically heal this issue, but instead of healing, she is trying to change herself, her body, into a faux man and is denying both her feminity and healing opportunity.

I felt that the same was true for the opposite situation, where a man, in a male body wants to be woman. They have issues with male energy and in changing their male body into a faux female body, they are also denying their male issues and healing opportuinity.



B114 - First day on the job...

Well yesterday I started my part time job... It was a bit overwhelming at first, with thousands of items, some with GST and PST (tax) and then others with only GST and still other with no tax... It was a different pace than what I've been accustomed to.. It's like my life has been slow paced like the turtle and now it was like the road runner... I was put on cash and did a sample sale.. and while it went OK.. it was foreign to me as I had never done "that" specific function before. Not that I haven't worked cash, but it was different policies, procedures, a different register, different packaging, it was like learning it all over again...

I was walking down an isle with one of the girls that was telling me about the products, we approached an elderly woman trying to reach the top shelf and put back some product she had taken down. As I came up to her and saw her struggling and I offered to help her. As I took the product from her hands, she apologized for not being able to put them back and as she was talking I could feel the pain she was having in her body as she had strained and hurt herself, so much so that it brought tears to my eyes... She thanked me and moved on... and I returned to my tour...

I later realized that yesterday brought up my issues of school and of not knowing what was going on and doubting that I could learn, know and do what the others knew... Although we spoke the same language, (not like my school experience) it was still a different language than what I was used to...

Today I went in again for another four hour shift and I felt more comfortable... I re-stocked some shelves and then watched the cashiers as they dealt with customers. I didn't feel as intimidating as I was catching on to the products and taxes... It's not all that complicated.. but it is when you are first introduced to it... I feel that they'll put me on cash tomorrow... at least for a couple of hours... It's also not like you're a alone as there are others around that can help you...

UPDATE: '06 Oct 20 Well today I was on the line and after a couple of hours with supervision I was put on my own... I managed to log in sales of just over $900.00 in four hours and was short $.02 at the end of my four hour shift... I had a couple of gliches... but overall things went well... My legs and feet are a bit sore today as there is a lot of standing but that is expected as I've been doing a lot of sitting at my computer these past few months... so I feel I need this...


B113 - Medical experts say schizophrenia has no scientific validity, is imprecise and stigmatizing.

Experts want to rename schizophrenia

Tue Oct 10, 9:12 AM ET LONDON (Reuters) - Mental health experts called on Monday for the term schizophrenia to be dropped, saying it has no scientific validity, is imprecise and stigmatizing.

Professor Marius Romme.... said "It is a harmful concept"...... He added that symptoms such as delusions, hearing voices and hallucinations are not the results of the illness but may be reactions to traumatic and troubling events in life...... "It groups together a whole range of different problems under one label -- the assumption is that all of these people with all of these different problems have the same brain disease," he added.....

Other psychiatrists agree that schizophrenia is an unsatisfactory term that conveys bizarreness but they are concerned that discarding the term could lead to problems classifying patients with psychosis.......He suggested replacing the term schizophrenia with the label "dopamine dysregulation disorder", which he said more accurately reflects what is happening in the brain of someone who is psychotic.

************************* Says a me comment *****************************

Medical experts say Schizophrenia has no scientific validity, is imprecise and stigmatizing...... and is to be replaced with the name (dopamine dysregulation disorder) DDD. So what have these so-called medical EXPERTS really done?.... Changed the name... a form change.... and that's supposed to make the person better... Dah! hello.. anyone home....!!!

The term schizophrenia is derived from the Greek words 'schizoid' (split) and 'phren' (mind) and was coined by Eugene Bleuler in 1908 to refer to the lack of interaction between thought processes and perception. He was also the first to describe the symptoms as "positive" or "negative. The problem is that the Medical community also included a host of other symptoms under the same general term Schizophrenia, as listed below.

1) Schizophrenia is a serious brain disorder. It is a disease that makes it difficult for a person to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences,
2) Schizophrenia, often misunderstood as split personality, is a chronic mental illness characterized by psychosis, or loss of reality testing.
3) Disorganized schizophrenia is a type of schizophrenia characterized by disinhibited, agitated, and purposeless behavior
4) A mental illness characterized by disordered thinking, delusions, hallucinations, emotional disturbance, and withdrawal from reality
5) And the list goes on...

The medical community labels anyone that sees what they or most others can't see as being delusional or suffering from hallucinations. Seeing the normally unseen reality can be frightening and disorienting especially if there is already a fear and stigma associated with it, as are hearing voices. Doctors have been labeling these people as suffering from Schizophrenia when there is so much more to it. Seeing and hearing is not a problem if you have acceptance that you have a gift and that you can see and hear things that others can't.. That gift and ability, doesn't necessarily make these people schizoid (split personality).

Now what I would call a Schizophrenic "split personality" is a person that changes their behavior from one state to another (positive to negative) and becomes an entirely different person in the matter of seconds. This is the classic Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde behavoiur and may well include seeing things and hearing voices. This can also take on multiple personalities. This manifestation is actually a form of possession.... and that is another subject onto itself...

The whole foundation that the medical community have based their concepts and treatments on are flawed and are only a part truth... True, there are chemical imbalances occurring in the body, but instead of stuffing the body with mind and emotion altering drugs, they need to find the reason why and how the body has suddenly developed a chemical imbalance... and no.... it's not environmental or genetic, although there are links.

Saysame JR


B112 - Gang of 8 - 11 yr olds try to burn disabled boy in shed

Disabled Canadian teenager locked in burning shed

WINNIPEG, Manitoba (Reuters) - A group of young bullies locked a disabled Canadian teenager in a shed and then set it on fire, according to police and media reports on Monday..... Brian McKay, 14, was born with spina bifida, a disorder that damages the spinal cord. He consequently walks with a limp.

He was at a playground in the Western Canadian city of Winnipeg on Saturday when a group of children ranging from eight to 11 years old pushed him into a nearby shed, locked it, set it on fire and fled, Winnipeg police said.

A nine-year-old girl heard McKay calling for help from the shed but couldn't open the door, but a friend of hers managed to get it open. A man then heard the children yelling and carried the teen to safety...... The boy and the young girl were taken to the hospital after suffering from smoke inhalation, and were in stable condition.

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And you thought children were incapable of doing evil?

Saysame JR

UPDATES: Canadian 12-year-old, 3 teens charged with murder

B111 - Tying up loose ends...

I feel that I've been tying up some loose ends before I get into my books. For the past few weeks I've been doing a lot of posting to my various blogs. I've been showing the relationships between religion, politics and society and how it's all just going around in circles... As I continued posting to my blogs I could see and feel the denials present and how they were being played out as time went on. Part of my reason for posting them was to allow others to follow and see how the denials and power plays were being acted out. I can keep on writing about the current events until the cows come home...(if I had any cows) and nothing would change. The only thing that would change is the form, with different players and the different experiences, experiencing a repeat of history. I did a recent post on Saysame - Politics, denial and truth called History repeating itself

What I began seeing and realizing even more clearly was that here is no solution to the present situations and the reality is that there can never be. Any external change is just a from change and nothing else. History is repeating itself and the scary part is that his time, with nuclear technology, there is the distinct possibility that there will be no history or humanity around to do this again.... Humm, I stopped... I was just thinking of Pan, Lumeria and Atlantis and that is another one of those end of times.. This world and humanity, or rather, this world of imprints, programs and beliefs, the rules, regulation and laws, codes of ethics, mortality and on and on, are flawed and no amount of effort is going to change them... They need to be let go....

Think of all the imprints, programs and beliefs associated in the following areas I've listed below and then expand then to other cultures around the world. Now can you see that we can't change this as everyone involved has free Will and choice and no one is willing to give what they have... unless it's for the better...

Politics and government
Health and medical
Financial institutions
Natural resources
Food and agriculture
Legal, laws and the police
Pharmaceuticals and drugs
Oil and energy
Communications and media
Business and industry
Religions, ethics, morality

I just had a vision of this Ark filled with all the various types of humanity, some raging and other trying to be nice and kind. The Ark was on fire and was slowly and silently drifting out on a dark sea into the darkness of a moonless and overcast night. The people on board were oblivious to the fire and their perilous situation, and there was no way the Ark was coming back as all aboard felt bound and determined to stick it out, that they were right and that they could fix things if they could just have their way, or had one more chance, or could get others to listen to them, that there would be peace and harmony for all. Others felt they could get the same results if they could just have more power and control and that with just the right use of force and diplomacy, peace and harmony would also be obtained...

They weren't coming back and I didn't want them back as I also felt that they were taking with them, all the Old World imprints, programs and beliefs. I breathed a sigh of relief and then I also had fear as I didn't know what to expect when I turned around...

B110 - What does Al Bundy and George Bush have in common?

2006 Oct 16 3:37 a.m. Dream.

I woke up seeing his face but I couldn't remember his name. It knew it was Al Bundy character from the TV Series "Married with Children". He had written a short poem on his blog and he was now being recognized by the UN as the "Man of the Year'.... But the next week he was again voted "man of the year". I was confused and curious so I checked out his blog and found that he was basically re-writing the same poem and just re-phrasing it and winning the UN award again and again. The poems were simple words and one line phrases like the following.

Roses are red, violets are blue
Roses and violets, red and blue
Roses are blue, violets are red
Violets are blue, roses are red

I found it curious that the UN would use the term "man of the year" as it implies a one (year) one (man) award.. and not the weekly awards that they were giving him. I was also wondering why the UN was giving him all these weekly "man of the Year" awards: was it just because he submitted something... anything... and they'd raise their hands in glee and pat him on the back and honour him with prestigious phony awards. This man was saying nothing, yet the UN respomded as if it were a miracle.

What I was also seeing in the dream was that the figure of Al Bundy was inter-changing with George Bush. I woke thinking that this Bundy dream is a lot like Bush and that anything Bush writes or says is BIG news, and given accolades by the both the press and the UN as..... "WOW! this guy is great"

Saysame JR

PS: After I changed Bushs picture, and re-posted it I had a good laugh as I saw that both have the same facial expression... Things in common and things that make you go hummmm?


B109 - Earth Quake rocks Hawaii and more.....

Quake knocks out power across Hawaii

HONOLULU - A strong earthquake shook Hawaii early Sunday, causing a landslide that blocked a major highway on Hawaii Island and knocking out power across the state, authorities said. Gov. Linda Lingle issued a disaster declaration for the entire state....... The quake hit at 7:07 a.m. local time, 10 miles north-northwest of Kailua Kona, a town on the west coast of the Big Island, said Don Blakeman, a geophysicist at the National Earthquake Information Center, part of the U.S. Geological Survey.

****************************** says a me comment *************************

There was more than just the earthquake in Hawaii... Check out the USGS Live Internet Seismic Server to see what else was happening around the planet.

IU/KIP, Kipapa, Hawaii, USA

'06 Oct 15 Disaster declared as quake hits Hawaii


B108 - Part time job... Should be interesting!

I've been busy updating my blogs and links and trying to organize them in some fashion as I don't want (my Blog) to become too scattered.. anymore than it already is... It would be nice to have a Blog operate like a message board.. hummmmm. maybe that's what I should be doing instead of creating all these separate blogs...Naw.. I still need a central site with topic headings that are searchable... OK getting off topic here...

Yesterday I happened to stop in at a small retail store and noticed that they were looking for part-time help. I checked it out, and later went back with a resume and had an interview. Today I got a call that I have the job and I go in next Wednesday for training... It'll be interesting as I'll be dealing with the public... Hummm, I wonder what stuff that's going to bring up...

It snowed here yesterday and again a bit today but it didn't last. The temperature was down to 18C or 64F and Marian turned the heat up to 22C but that was it. It never came back on again and now it's back down to 18C and the temperature outside is dropping. The house is cool, cooler that I like but Marian likes the cold or rather doesn't feel it... she reminds me of Irene that way... While she doesn't feel the cold, she does feel the heat and she had the air conditioner running almost all the time, until last week. I'll have a chat with her and I might just get myself a small portable heater for the winter, so that I'm comfortable.


UPDATE: The next day with snow on the ground and the temperature at 16C, Marian said she was cold and asked for help with programing the thermostat... Now it's set at 22C in the daytime and down to 18C at 11:00 p.m. at night. It's also programmed to come on at 7:00a.m. so that it's warn when you get up. I can live with that.

B107 - Myths and Legends - Gods and Goddesses

7;45 a.m. I was thinking that there's more to Myth and Legends than what meets the eye... The Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, the Norse, African, in fast all continents have their native myths and legends that were in existence long before any of the modern religions came along like Judaism or Christianity. Hummm, there is one exception, India, and the Hindu religion as that still follows the old Myths and legends of Gods and Goddesses walking with man on Earth, some doing good and some doing evil.

Hathor..............HorusThese ancient Gods and Goddesses are no longer in the physical form as they once were Ahhh.. or are they? Maybe they've just lost some much essence... I stopped... Maybe the ones of love, have lost so much of their essence and power through denial that they no longer have the powers they once e had and the evil and unloving ones gained power. And they also got better at form changes and are still able to walk among us, un-noticed. Son of Man, Son of God. Sons and daughters of Man. Sons and daughters of the Gods.

I'll have to check the bible and the net, to see what I can find. I can feel it, but I don't know what the "it" is... yet. I don't know what is missing.



B106 - Heartbreak...longing

This morning, my body felt like it had been hit by a truck as every bone and muscle ached and I didn't get up until after 9:00 a.m. I did a few e-mails this afternoon, but when I felt I was running out of energy I took it easy the rest of the day.. I've been getting the feeling of heartbreak and that I've lost something but I don't know what it is ...yet.

I tried to have a talk with Marian about the business relationship we had with Herb and Ruth, but she didn't want to talk about it, saying only that it caused a lot of strife in our life. We did manage to discuss it a bit but we had different views of what was going on and why. Again, we were on two different pages...


B105 - Dream.. Packing up.... Pain in the Neck

'06 Oct 09 Dream 6:52 a.m. I was packing up my stuff for a journey, but this time I was only packing what I could carry comfortably on my back and in my arms. I had food, shelter, clothing and some personal items. I don't know where I was going but I was going with someone as I remember sharing things that I had two of.

Yesterday; Marian and I were invited to my daughters mother-in-law for thanksgiving dinner {I don't know what that makes me... maybe an out-law :) } Anyway. I was driving my truck and Marian opened the passenger window for fresh air. We were in town so I wasn't going fast and as it was a nice day I denied saying anything when I began to feel a draft on the back of my neck. But about five minutes later I had to ask her to close the window as my entire neck, shoulders and back was in pain. The pain eased off somewhat after a couple of hours, but it's still there this morning and my body is also in a dull achy pain.

7:30 p.m. I went for a walk by the reservoir this afternoon and I was going to take some pictures but I couldn't really get into it as my neck was still sore as was my body.. I just didn't have the energy... I don't feel that the draft is really what's at the heart of this as I feel it was just a trigger, an activator of something bigger.

B104 - Things we calll life.....Phoenix Rising

'06 Oct 08 7:01 a.m. Another dream.
This time the dream was of Jen and of her trying to do things that would make her happy and also of other people trying to do things to make her happy but... what I saw was all these broken bits of different things taped, tied, glued, stapled and nailed together "trying to be" this wonderful thing called life and all that it was, was pieces of shattered hopes, dreams and desires and was not life. Why was it all broken? Because it was all built on conditional love. We've been "trying" to forge, "force" a dream into creation built on our old imprints programs and beliefs and it doesn't work, because they were unlovingly "forced" and demanded, willed by mindfull determination, blood, sweat and tears... but where was the love?

And even if we have desire and passion and loving intent that also isn't enough without real unconditional love present to fuel our desires and passion. If all that is fueling our desires it is our lost hopes, dreams and our desire to fill this feeling of emptiness and wanting within us, something that we had or we wish or dreams we had, it's also not in the present moment and there is also denied fear present.

Trouble is that we don't realize that it's "we" that are broken because how can we create our desires if we don't have the tools to create them? We have tools, but they are the tools of conditional love and the result is failure and the death of our hopes, dreams and desires. The tools we need are the tools of unconditional love. We need to fix ourselves first, create new imprints, programs and beliefs that are based in love without conditions, without restrictions and we will then have the tools that we've never used before to create the dreams we have yet to dream.

We need to let go of the past, not let go of remembering it, but to let go in trying to re-create it because it was built on shifting sand and never lasted nor could it. And so we blindly and vainly struggle to re-create something that never worked and we keep doing it over and over and failing each time and also, losing more of ourselves in the processes.

It's time to stop this insanity and instead of looking to the past to build our future, we need to look in the opposite direction, to the blank screen and as move toward it, we create our dreams, by living our desires in the moment, without expectation or conditions. A New World is rising out of the "ashes" of the old, The phoenix is rising.

Saysame JR


B103 - Dream and reality... being in hell

'06 Oct 08 Sunday 3:27 a.m. Another dream.

I awoke and wrote what I was feeling about the dream before I started writing about the dream itself. I wrote: if it's your idea and your effort, don't give others the benefit of the doubt or trust them when you have suspicions. Don't try to keep it going if it's not going to work out of some false sense of pride, guilt or shame.

I then began writing about the dream, that I had a business with Marian and a partner and sales were down a bit, the company was starting to be in trouble. I couldn't understand what was happening and I was looking for ways to economize and keep it going until we figure out what was going on. Little did I know that Marian and my partner were selling if off bit by bit from under me, making it impossible to keep going.

Hummmm, I stopped, this dream feels similar to what happened in real life and how my ex-partner, Herb and his wife Ruth were stealing thousands of dollars from the company while pretending to be concerned for the company and making it look like they were supporting and helping me but all the while they were only in it to get more out.

I trusted them and I also trusted Marian who was working in the office with Ruth and was doing the accounts payable while Ruth did Accounts receivable. Herb was out on sales and I was making sure that the work was getting done and that the orders were getting out as well as overseeing the entire Company as president. I knew mentally what was going out and coming in and how much our employers were being paid, so I had a pretty good feel for the status of the company and that while it wasn't "great" it was, in my mind, making money but according to Ruth, Herb and Marian, it wasn't and one of the reasons was because accounts receivables were slow in coming in.

There was now this sudden panic by Marian to pay the bills and the employees, and the money was needed yesterday. We were in the process of setting up a line of credit with the bank but were also waiting on Ruth to provide the financial statements that the bank needed but she was dragging her feet so the bank was no help now. I decided to float the company a personal short term loan as Marian and I had extra money. I trusted that Marian was on top of the situation and that the loan would be re-paid in a few weeks as I also had been told by my partners that they had called the accounts regarding the cheques and that they were in the mail. My signature was also required on all cheques so I knew where the money was going, but at the same time, didn't know where it was going and how...if you follow me.

I had challenged them before and was told that I wasn't an accountant or doing the books and that I didn't know what I was talking about. In anger, I asked them if they were stealing from the company and that only made things worse. I was accused of wrongly accusing someone that only cared for my and the companies best interest and that I broke their hearts that I would say such a thing. That I didn't trust anyone and that I was acting as lord and master. Trouble was, I smelt a rat and felt something was fishy but instead of calling everyones hand and the game, I denied and gave them the benefit of the doubt again. I also had several arguments with Marian asking her what was going on and where was the money going and to have a look at the accounts receivable like I had asked. She'd scream back they were Ok, but I knew they weren't.

It turned out that I knew exactly what was going on as after a couple more weeks of increased sales and lies and deceit, we were now worse off than before. Finally I had out and they said that if I wasn't happy with them, that I could buy their share of the company for what it was originally worth and not for what it was worth now on the financial statements that she had prepared. Marian sided with them and I was frustrated to no end.

In all the ruckus on that Friday afternoon, I noticed that Ruth had left without taking the accounting legers and banking bag with her as she was always adamant about leaving any money and cheques in the building in case they were stolen and she would always take them home for safe keeping. I picked them up and took them home and after supper I started to go though the accounts receivable books and all the sales invoices, paid and outstanding. To my surprise, I found two account receivable legers, and that she was having some of the accounts receivables diverted to their old company so the account was paid, but not to our company or our bank account. Now I had proof of what was going on. Early Saturday morning I got the locks changed and when they tried to come in on Saturday to pick up the ledgers, they were furious that they were locked out and were going to sue me for everything that I had.

Marian went into a deeper depression and was of no help, in fact still accused me of being wrong in that I wasn't an accountant like Ruth, and while that was true, I knew how to do books as I had set up an run a company before, so I was no dim-wit. Yet at the same time she was also saying, "I told you so, you should never have gone in with Ruth and herb... I knew what they were like." I was in hell!!!! And actually that was when my old world began to fall apart...


4:11 a.m. I denied myself and my intuition as I felt that I was responsible for other peeoples happiness as I was the major share holder, I had the money, I was younger, healthier and stronger. It was I that was trying to build.... what? something, a company, a little world, an empire that would provide for my family and friends, even if it was on a small scale.

I had a company before this one with twenty three employess before I sold it and there again, I trusted others and did what was best for others but not for me and in the end, I also got shafted and the dream was destroyed. I was trying to re-build that dream and I was still doing the same things so why would it be any different this time.

B102 - Dream. What's missing in the puzzle?

'06 Oct 07 2:50 a.m. Dream

In the dream I kept seeing these six or more pieces of a picture, like a puzzle that when put together would form another picture, yet the message that I kept getting was "see what is missing." As I put the pictures together, I saw that what was missing was in the empty space that was formed when all six pictures were assembled correctly. Each picture had a piece of the empty space that was missing in the big picture and only when you had the complete picture, could you see what was missing. But what I was missing, was the fact, that each seperate picture contained a part of the missing space that was needed to complete the puzzle so that you could see the whole empty space in the big puzzle. It was a weird dream and I woke up.


B101 - Dream: Programmed Sheep

’06 Oct 05 Thursday 3:27 a.m.
Dream: Programed Sheep
This guy was selling an electronic alarm system to a sheep herder. Whenever there was danger and trouble around and the sheep were spooked and afraid, this guy would come out and adjust the devise that would give off a signal of “all’s well or “all’s clear” to the sheep and then the sheep would go back to doing whatever it was they were doing before they were activated, even though the threat and danger was still there and hadn’t been removed, but now the sheep were oblivious to it.

I was arguing with both the sheep herder and the manufactures rep that this wasn’t working, but their reply was, “look at the sheep, are they still afraid?” I couldn’t argue that fact, but they wouldn’t admit that the threat and danger that the sheep originally felt and feared hadn’t been resolved, but just covered up and was still there.

What was also disturbing was that the manufactures rep was also planning a similar model and device to be sold to people to protect their property, valuables and even themselves from the threat of danger or attack….

I woke up!!! That dream reminded me of the USA governments HAARP Project that was developed to control the mind and emotions of the masses, much like what was being done with the sheep in my dream.

3:43 a.m. Getting back to the devise, even if the sheep saw a clear and present danger like a wolf, once the guy adjusted the devise that transmitted the mind control signal, that signal over-rode the sheep’s mind and intuition and from then on, it basically told the sheep that nothing was wrong and to not to be afraid of what it was seeing and feeling as there was no threat.. Even if a wolf came up and killed one of them and was eating it there in front of all of them, they’d just walk around as if nothing had happened. They were no more afraid of the wolf than they would be of a sparrow flying into their midst, or a chipmunk scurrying underfoot.

The same devise, when used on people, would enable robbers, rapists and murders, etc. to move freely around the community, doing their deeds, while the population was oblivious to what was really going on. If something was missing or someone was hurt or killed, they’d blink and wonder if they ever had such a thing in the first place, or they would wonder how and when the accident happened or why that person is no longer moving and is dead.

***** As I’m typing this post I’m realizing how similar this is to our denials. Something happens but we ignore it, we deny expressing our emotions and we then try to deny that it even exists just like the programmed sheep, and while the sheep were put into a mindless sleep, so too are we caught up in our own mindless sleep as we are unaware of the effects of our denials. For the sheep, when the wolf finally gets to kill it, the programmed sheep is in denial, and not aware of any any danger and so it goes to peacefully and ignorantly unaware of it’s plight. We too suffer the same end, but instead of a quick death like the sheep, we commit to a slow, struggling and painful suicide, as every time we continue to deny our feelings and emotions, we give them, and ourselves, (as they are a part of us) a little push closer to death, and like the sheep, we too are ignorantly in denial of our plight…

Or so it has been… BUT…. Things, they are a changing… *****

B100 - Two Similar but different discussions.

I've mentioned in an earlier post that I’ve been busy on the internet and yesterday I finished posting a couple of threads on my message board “the heart centre” that have to do with a couple of discussions I was having on another board.

It so turns out that the first discussion offers examples of love essence in denial, but with a closed mind and heart. It also presents a look at how evil thinks and works. You can check out that thread at this link, “Emotionally, mentally, spiritually.... wore out!!

The second discussion offers SIMILAR aspects of love essence in denial, but with and open mind and heart, where denials end and healing begins and with an entirely DIFFERENT outcome. . It also presents a look at how evil thinks and works, not only from the outside, but from within. You can check out that discussion at this link Jannokas Journey Both threads are located in the same Journey Journals section of the board.

Similarities and Differences… things that I’ve been working on for a while, and that this is just another piece of the puzzle.

B99 - Can’t relax… have to keep moving…Why?

’06 Oct 04 12:01 p.m. Marian can’t relax. When she was sick and in pain with her back she was mentally and emotionally on the go and since she didn’t want to “feel” her emotions, she felt all the worse as she also blamed her emotions for how and what she was feeling. Her so-called doctors would increase her prescription dosage or change it to get her emotions subdued and numb so that she wouldn’t feel them and would feel relaxed. This also affected her body, which would be in more pain and the cycle was endless as she doesn’t want to feel the pain in her body or her emotions.

Since she had the epidural in her spine, she now has her mobility back as it has numbed the pain in her back so that she can’t feel it, Now that she can’t feel the pain in her body anymore, she pushes her body to the point of exhaustion, rests a few minuets and then is on the go again until she is exhausted, and again, takes a couple of minutes rest and she just keep repeating the pattern of physical abuse.

There is no love here for either her body or her emotions. I tried talking with her about her pushing herself and she would just say, “yea I know, or I wasn’t pushing myself, or I was resting, or did rest.” When I’d ask her how long she did things and how long she rested, i.e., fifteen minutes of doing things and fifteen minutes or one hour of rest, she said I can’t do that because as soon as I feel OK, I have to keep moving and get the job done. She also reminds me of Jen and Irene.

*** As I’m typing this it also reminds me of Dale, the born again Christian landlady in Moncton and also of Darryl, who is now in China… actually a lot of people… including myself… but more so…. the old me, what I used to be like.

As I typed the title for this post I was thinking of the so-called medical syndromes of ADD and ADHD and how the kids have to move and rock, as they can’t express the emotions they are feeling and so they have to do something … or they feel they will explode and just go nuts if all they can do is think and feel all the denied energy that they are holding inside them, and with no means of letting it out, all they can do is blow off steam...

Instead of helping these traumatized kids heal their emotions…. the “good” doctors whose job it is to “practice” on others…. prescribe legalized drugs such as … Ritalin, Adderall (banned in Canada) and Concerta to dull and numb, not only the emotions but also the mind and body.***


B98 - Unlocking the power of the Internet.

The media, TV, radio and newspapers gather mountains of information but they never pursue it. Today’s news is for today and then it’s forgotten and becomes old news, and who’s interested in hearing “old” news? We forget important events and issues as they’re not followed up, or maybe that’s the plan…. Although we get information from the media, it’s the individual’s ability via the internet to not only pull all these events and issues together, but to also save and instantly recall all data and reference links, and then to also be able to instantly share this information with anyone in the world that is connected to the internet… As we pull this information together and record all these events and issues, we begin to see the underlying pattern of what’s really going on that those in the news would like us to forget. Before the internet, there was no real means to gather the facts and to instantly share them with the world on a personal level as I am doing now.

For instance, take my Blog religion-denials-and-truth where the current focus is on the Pope. With the help of the internet, I can not only read, see and hear what the media is reporting, but I also have access to related topics or articles. Now I can take these seeming un-related events and in organizing them, see that they are not un-related, but are in fact part of a piece of the puzzle of a much larger picture that the media has some how forgotten or is denying pursuing on purpose.

In the matter of a couple of weeks, I have been able to gather a mountain of undeniable evidence portraying the Pope and the Church for what they really are. That without the Internet, all these events, issues and situations would have been swept under the carpet, but now the ugly reality is beginning to be exposed. Look at my Blog and tell me that the Catholic Church isn’t corrupt? Well you can if you’re in denial, but I’m not going to debate your denial beliefs. While the Pope is the one that is presently in the headlines, this corruption is in every religion as none “walk their talk” and will say one thing and do another.

I knew that the Catholic Church was evil and corrupt when I was seven years old; from mind numbing indoctrination, intimidation and guilt laden rhetoric, to the awareness of sexually abused choir and alter boys, pregnant nuns, and culminating with the excommunication of me and my family when I was thirteen years old. These personal experiences were only strengthened by what I heard, saw and read in the media in later years, but that somehow were never followed up or investigated. It was as if evil had the power to quash anything that would cause it to disclose the truth that they, so vehemently hid and denied. Why? For power and control... because if the truth were know, would people still follow and serve the Church?

Throughout the years, while no longer personally and directly subject to their abuse, I’ve continued to witness it and when I’ve expressed my truths I’ve been chastised and poo-poo’d by Catholics, as being wrong, angry or unable to forgive and forget. By starting my Blog and recording the present media coverage on the internet, I can now express and share my truth with not only one person, but with the world. And in expressing my truth, of what I already know, combined with what is in the media, I can help expose the denied evil and unlovingness for what it really is. Not that I can, or even want to bring them to so-called legal justice, but my intent is to simply make others aware of the truth, a truth that WOULDN”T GO AWAY, and then, it’s up to each person to make up their mind as to what is the truth for them. Do they still want to cling to their old imprints, programs and beliefs, or …. are they now beginning to see things in a different light are are getting fed up with all the BS that they've been eating up like candy?

Denying the truth doesn’t change the truth, just your perception of it.

With experience comes understanding and knowing, and in the applying of that which you know and understand comes wisdom and new experiences.

B-97 Denial - the common bond for society and religion

’06 Oct 02 7:36 a.m. All this niceness and kindness boils down to walking your talk. You may know the truth but unless you are able to apply that what you know to your experiences, you are living a lie and are operating in two different worlds or realities or from two different pages, and while you may think and believe that you are being sincere and real, you are actually acting out, or to be more accurate, re-acting to your reality instead of being, experiencing and living it.
“All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players”

No wonder we can’t communicate and get along in peace and harmony with others. We THINK that we’re saying and doing one thing when in reality we’re doing the opposite.. Hummmm. That also ties in with the my post on Good and Evil in that Love essence in denial becomes the doer of evil and takes on the characteristics of evil… believing, thinking and acting as evil does. It also falsely believes that love is evil and that evil is love, so that if someone was actually communicating from love, they would react as if the opposite was true and be repulsed by what they were receiving believing that it was evil. However, if the other person was evil or was one that was love, but also in denial, they would get along as if they were the best of friends, as denial would be the bond and what they had in common, or was similar.

Denial is what presently holds and bonds society and religion together, and since denial is opposed to expressing the truth and is unloving, how ignorant and dimwitted are we to smilingly expect there to be peace and harmony in the world, if we can just be nice and kind to each other? Dah!...

Denying the truth doesn’t change the truth, just your perception of it.

With experience comes understanding and knowing and in the applying of that which you know and understand comes wisdom and new experiences.


B - 96 Wanna change the World…Be the change.

'06 Oct 01 8:50 a.m. We have a whole world built on niceness and kindness and all the different societies and religions mouthing the same old basic Golden Rule of “do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” and we can all live in peace and harmony. While it sound good, there’s something wrong with that concept as one just has to look at the state that the world is in to see that the system is flawed.…. WHY, what’s wrong? What’s wrong with this picture and the system is that all this niceness and kindness is actually just a phony pretence of love, because under it all is unlovingness and denial and the second part of the old “Golden Rule” that is not mentioned (but denied) which is “Do as I say, don’t do as I do.”

This OLD world is built on old imprints, programs and beliefs and no matter how hard we try, we can’t change others as they have free will just as we do, and they also are what they are. Religion, Kings, Queens, Dictators, governments and their various political ideals such as communism and democracy have all failed because of the underlying corruption of their old imprints, programs and beliefs… and... until these are changed... nothing changes, and we continue to go around and down in a slow spiral as we are being sucked into the black hole of death.

Society has to, and will change…. BUT in order for this to happen, there needs to be a complete social change with new programs and beliefs…. In order for that to happen, the people that no longer desire to struggle to survive in this false and phony society of niceness and kindness will have to change, not outside, but inside themselves. They can only change themselves by letting go of their old imprints, programs and beliefs AND as they do that, THEY become the power and the LOVE energy necessary for the changes to take place. “And the truth shall set you free” and “the meek shall inherit the Earth”

You wanna change the world, then BE THE CHANGE.

B95 - Phony Kindness and Niceness...not Love

I know that my guides had a raeason to get me to re-read and post my so-called not important experiences, because last night and this morning they began to make sense.

’06 October 01 5:37 a.m. I was thinking of Woodstock and how it was like Moncton and the Maritimes and I wondered what it was that I didn’t get, what am I missing? I then realized that all the other places that I've lived in, like Kelowna, Vernon, Calgary, Regina, Penetang, Barrie, they all were similar, but at the same time different, not just by geographic location and also in the history of the community and the ethnic and cultural mix of their “old country” customs, traditions and languages that separated them from the next community or city… Similar but different (As I was typing this for my Blog, I also thought of how people are similar but also different in much the same way.)

Religion is the biggest thing that is similar with each community and in Canada, that similarity is the hundreds of Christian denominations AND….this is what’s important as it’s what links these cities and communalities together. What’s similar with all these hundreds of Christian religious beliefs is their fa├žade of niceness and kindness, and a desire for peace and harmony. They all put on this phony presentation face wanting you to believe that all is well and that this is the best religion and the best place to live as everyone is so nice and kind and they all help and care for each other.

I’m sure that if I went to Europe, Israel, Iraq, Tibet, china, Africa and Australia, that I’d find the same situation with other religions and that the only thing that would be different besides some specific religious beliefs, would be the location, language, social system of customs and traditions, BUT the thing that would be similar would be the same phony presentation face of being nice and kind based on their religious belief or lack of one.

5:54 a.m. This also ties in to what I was writing about before on polarities and “similarities and differences” that while the experience will be different, the emotions will be similar, as a person that is feeling abandoned in Moncton will feel the same as a person feeling abandoned in Spain or Tibet or Africa.

So what I was really….. hummmm I’m smiling as I just got it.. I just realized that it really isn’t about the polarity of "different and similar" but that I was on two different pages and was trying to combine them on one page so that they would be the same. Customs, traditions and religion are on one page and emotions and feelings are on another. Experiences based on different social customs traditions and religious belief still trigger the same or similar emotions. It’s like separating the wheat from the chaff. My experience with Marian the other day opened my eyes to be able to see this now. Trying to be nice and kind is not love, but love is nice and kind.

I like it when things start to come together and you’re able to see things is a different light, and to see things more clearly and from a new perspective. Another piece of the puzzle and now on to the next, but with a little bit clearer view of what I’m looking at. Now I feel that I’ll be working on how niceness and kindness have been and still are presented as love, when they are not. Similar by different.