B131 - Pushing the body in Denial
2006 Dec 12
Marian is in pain. Her lower back is affected so that she can hardly walk. A month or so ago, she got a needle in her back that gave her temporary relief. As a result of the false cure that just numbed the pain and her belief that she was cured she went out and proceeded to push her body to do all the things that she couldn’t do when she was in pain. Now she’s back to square one and wondering why.
She’s supposed to be going to see an acupuncturist tomorrow and if she feels better after the treatment, you can bet your bottom dollar that she’ll be running around town doing whatever, until she can’t again…
On another topic, I have often felt that when she asks me what I’m having for supper, that what she wants is for me to ask her what she is having or to offer to make supper for her, but I’m not biting. I ask her if that is her intent and she denies it and so I let it go. But I can later feel that she was lying, but that by her denial, she got caught in her lie and the only way out of it was to tell the truth, and that’s something she’s not prepared to do at this moment.
On Sunday I was making wings and chips and I asked her if she wanted some. I don’t mind making a meal for another, but I’m not going to take care of her just because she doesn’t want to take care of herself and insists on abusing herself to no end. I feel that when she can’t abuse herself anymore, that she then tries to find someone (in this case me) that will compensate for what she can’t do for herself. If she can’t use her body to get and do what she wants, then she uses someone else to get what her mind wants.
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