B12 - Closure

'05 Jan 23
Hi again,

Well nothing MAJOR has happened to me, well that's not entirely true. I did call Nick, the guy who owes me my rental depsoit and he basicly had no ears, just a RAGE mouth and nothing I said penetrated. He now claimed that I was responsible for him having to spend money on new advertizing, and that I should pay for it out of my deposit because it was me that left. I was angry and told him to expect company as I had intent to file charges of assult or to call the fire dept. and report his saftey infractions. I wanted to hurt him back. For hours, I had a voice in my head telling me of all the ways I could get even with him.

Later I was reading in RUOW ( in the process of adding this link I found that Ceanne has a web site up) how there are fragments of us out there in people that we don't know are us. I've had this feeling that Nick and I are connected somehow, but I hadn't figured it out. I thought back to our first encounter and how I felt the tremedous heartbreak in him when I touched his shoulder. That heartbreak wasn't him, as outside me, that heartbreak was me. That was the part of me that lived in heartbreak, terror and denied rage at what had happened to me when I started school.

I called him up but there was no answer, so I left a message. As I was talking I said that I wasn't going to be sending anyone over and that I wasn't going to punish him as he had been punished enough. I mentioned the heartbreak, that I had felt from him as I noted in the last paragraph. As I said that I choked up and my voice quivered and tears filled my eyes.

I still don't know exactly what happened but the voice that had been prompting me to get even was gone. There was an erie silence but yet an profound realization that I was now at peace. Tears of joy now filled my eyes.

A few days later I began to worry about money as I just spent $700 on my truck and now my muffer was going and I also found out that the wheel aligment that I got a couple of months ago was a BUM STEER and that it also wore my front tires. Anyway, a couple of days ago I called around and got a part time job as a handyman working for a handyman. And so while I can't fix my truck, it's not a case of "have to" so it can wait.

Last night I felt aches and pains in my body that I've never felt. Every joint was stiff and painful to move. Even my bones ached, and my muscles were sore and tender. I felt dizzy and disoriented. It felt like I was getting a cold, but I also know that I'm not. I feel that it has something to do with my Chakras and my kundalini, as that is also what I'm being drawn to focus my attention on.

Well that's all for now, I'll keep you posted as I can.


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