B7 - Issues and Lessons

'04 12,12
Hi everyone,

Just a brief update of what I've been experiencing these past few months. There is a lot missing, but I feel I have to just start somewhere.

After C and the girls left for home,I left the Cabin I got a room with a woman who brought up issues with my mother. She was what I call a mentaloid, everything she knew or talked about was what she had read or if there was a personal experience, it was from a purely mental point of view. She wasn't a bible thumper like my mother, but she thumped her BOOK of "knowledge" instead. We "co-habitated" the basement apartment and she spoke very little to me after I expressed myself and continued to do so whenever she would try to control me with her BS, Belief Systems, based on what she had read.

The house we were living was being sold and as a tennant she had to be out by the end of October. I got there mid-September and left two weeks later as I got a place right in Vernon. I moved into a rooming house with four guys in the basement and two - three (the owner on weekends) upstairs. Four were on disability and one on unemployment. I didn't know this at the time I paid my money. I also didn't know that the guy living upstairs with me was also a drug user as were two of the guys downstairs and that the other two were also druggies, but they were legal.... as they were doped up on perscription drugs. Street Drugs and trafficing as such, was never a part of my reality until now. I've been around weed smokers, but nothing harder.

I got into it with him one evening when he was smoking cigarettes in the house,(it was a no-smoking building) He told me that it was OK and that I would keep it a secret. I told him to get outside with his cigarettte and that no, I wasn't his secret keeper and that I'd be letting the owner know what was going on when he came up for the weekend. He became angry and we almost got into a physical confrontation. The next day he appologized and that laid the ground work for our "brotherly" relationship. I don't have any "real" male friends and I felt here was an opportunity to finally have one.

This is getting too long so I'll just abbreviate some of the experiences in point form.
1)He got a job, got paid and decided to celebrate. He overdosed on Crystal Meth which he thought was coke. He went paranoid for three days and ended up in the hospital.

2)When he got out, I lent him money to get to another town to get a new start. He called me when he got there and wanted to come back but needed more money. I deposited it in his bank accoount and never heard from him again.

3) I also worked for a guy doing handyman work. He was a smoothe talker and it smelt off but I gave him the benifit of the doubt. He never paid me. Then he paid 1/2 and I did more work and he never paid again.

Lesson: Giving others the benifit of the doubt when I KNEW that they was lying and not giving MYSELF, my WILL, the benifit of her doubts.

4)Then I had to take control of the job in progress and then work out a NEW price, as the job us under-guoted. That brought up more issues as they (the customer) were caught in the middle.

5)I was also working on the job with another guy and I also had to cut him loose instead of giving him the benifit of the doubt.

Lesson: Standing up and asking for what I wanted and deserved. Energy is money and money is energy and I was giving away both. Also, other people feed off you as you "carry them" out of a false sense of friendship, loyality, graditude and guilt. And here again I had to speak my truth and "WALK MY TALK"

6) A friend of the owner stayed upstairs on the couch and took some of my food. Standing up for myself was another hard thing to do as he gave me a sob story. Standing up for myself almost lead to a physical confrontation. Lesson: Judgment, that the other person was worse off than me so I should just give them what they want and ignore or deny what happened.

7) The owners ex- was up in October to begin to pack. All she packed then was what she could get in her car. We talked and we didn't hit it off as she was just like my ex and when I was straight with her, she was out of here. 8) An interesting coincidence in all this is that the owner's birthday is one day later than mine and his ex-wifes birthday is on the same day as my ex-wife.
Well I have to go, time is almost up, will update soon.

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