B61 - Fear, Denial and Activation
(Part 2 of 3)
The story continues as a couple of days later, on the Friday night, Irene and I again had our tea outside on the deck and had returned inside to watch TV before retiring. Dave had come upstairs and the dog again jumped on Irene and although she moaned in pain, she petted the dog and shouted at Dave. Dave finished his business and returned downstairs and the dog jumped down. The cat and Irene dog were upstairs in the kitchen and the dog got spooked and jumped on Irene again. This time she yelled out in pain, and while wrestling to get the dog to move she finally uttering that she can't get the dog off of her and that he was hurting her. I got off my chair and reached over and grabbed the dog by the collar and firmly pulled him off her and to the floor. I had him sit beside my chair.
I didn't notice the dog move away as I was watching TV but the next moment he was jumping up on Irene again and this time she screamed in pain even louder and I could see that she was in agony and again she said that she couldn't get the dog off. Again, I reached over and pulled the dog off of her and had him sit beside my chair. Irene then said that she was really sore and that the dog had really hurt her tonight and that she didn't have the strength to move him as he weighted 30 lbs and was way too much for her in her present condition.
We continued to watch TV and again the dog crept away and this time he maneuvered himself to the right and rear of Irenes chair and he tried to leap on her over her right arm that was causing her the most pain. I saw him clawing his way up her as her right arm dangled beside the chair and this time she SCREAMED in pain as the dog finally made his way onto her chest, shoulder and face. She was screaming, "get him off, get him off" as I reached over and this time I yanked the dog off her and to the floor. I grabbed one of Irenes canes and shook it at the dog and in that moment I wanted to kick the dog but instead I stomped the floor with my left foot and yelled at the dog. The dog looked dumbfounded as I moaned in pain as I thought I might have broken my foot.
Now Irene has a signal for Dave that when she wants him to come upstairs, she stomps her foot on the floor. Dave yelled up "what do you want?" I replied "nothing it was me yelling at the dog" He commented that a ceiling light fixture light in the hallway had fallen and broke and that he was going to clean it up.
In that same moment I looked at the dog and realized that it wasn't the dog's fault that he was jumping up on Irene. I called him over and he came to me and I said thank you for showing me how I was being unloving. I was being protective of Irene because she was crippled and in pain and I blamed the dog for doing what he was allowed to do. I turned to Irene and said to her that you know that the dog listens and isn't afraid as you witnessed it the other night. You choose to allow the dog to continue to jump on you and that is your choice. I said that you are old enough, smart enough and strong enough to look after yourself when it comes to letting the dog jump on you. I'm not going to protect you anymore and I don't blame the dog for doing what you want him to do. The next time he jumps on you, you are going to have to deal with him yourself because I'm not going to interfere with your free Will and choice. At that point I went downstairs and apologized to Dave for breaking the fixture and he said the it was OK, that it was cracked anyway. I went back upstairs and then out the back door to my tent.
I got up after 8:00 a.m (Saturday) and had a couple of cups of coffee with Irene on the deck. She seemed kind of quiet but I didn't press her to find out what was going on as I felt she was in pain. I had already made plans to go to Barrie that day, while Irene and Mini had made plans to go fishing in the afternoon.
It began raining in the afternoon and was still raining when I got back around 7:30p.m. A few minutes later, Irene and Mini also came back from their trip and they made themselves some tea. I was busy organizing my stuff in the tent and then went back to the deck that had an awning that offered protection from the sun and rain. They were already having their tea and Irene was holding the dog on her lap. I felt something was off as we chit chatted a few minutes during which time the dog had jumped off her lap and sat beside me and then tried to jump up on me but I held my arm out to prevent him from doing so. It was during that time that Irene made the comment that I was the evil one. I was confused by that statement as I felt that I had missed something. She continued her conversation with Mini and I interrupted her and asked what she meant by me being the evil one. She turned to me and hissed that I attacked the dog last night.
I was shocked! I asked her what she meant and again she hissed that I was unloving to the dog and I attacked it last night. I said bull shit, the dog jumped on you three times and three times you asked me to take it off you. The third time, Yes I was angry and I wanted to hit the dog but I stomped the floor instead and the ceiling fixture downstairs fell and broke. If you remember, I also apologized to the dog and then told you that you were on your own if the dog jumps on you and hurts you again. The dog is not afraid a me, he sat beside me and he even tried to jump on my lap a few minutes ago, so he's not afraid of me but you are, and you are definitely activated.
Mini interrupted telling me how I should have or could have treated the dog. I bluntly told her that you weren't there, you don't know what the dog did, what Irene said or did, what I did or didn't do, so don't tell me what I should or could have done after the fact. All you are going on is what Irene told you and again, if I attacked the dog, would the dog be sitting beside me and trying to jump in my lap? She dropped her chin as she said no, but in the next breath she began the same speech again. I asked her if she had heard what I said and she replied, it doesn't matter, you attacked my dog. I put my hand up, looked her in the eyes, and said in a tone that left no mis-understanding, "fuck off." She blinked, dropped her jaw and shoulders and slung back in her chair, holding her cup of tea in silence.
Irene hissed at me again saying that I reminded her of her father. I replied, finally the truth, this whole experience, even now, is activating you and is bringing up your denied issues with your father. She denied it and said it wasn't about her dad but about me attacking the poor defenseless dog. I could feel that there was nothing I was going to say that would change her point of view. I told her that I didn't feel welcome here and I asked her if she wanted me to leave. She didn't look at me but said it's up to you. I said it's dark and it's raining and I don't feel like packing up and pulling down my tent down tonight and that I'd leave in the morning. I asked if I could have a shower and she said suit yourself. I already had my towel and toiletries so I had a shower and retired to my tent and my thoughts and my feelings.
A few years ago Irene had a similar experience with another mutual friend Jen, when she struck her fist on the Van's dashboard as Irene was driving. That experience shocked Irene into calling Jen evil and of reminding her of her mother and she didn't talk to Jen for a couple of years. Now I guess it's my turn to activate her with her father and violence.
It rained all night and was still raining, what I call a soaker, not hard but steady. I packed up my stuff inside the tent and I could hear Irene and Mini having the usual coffee and tea on the deck around 8:30 a.m. I waited inside my tent until the rain stopped which was 11:00 a.m. and by 11:11 a.m. I was driving down the road. I never went in to say "good" bye as I felt, what's the point. If Irene had changed her mind she could have called out to me from the deck that she wanted to talk. I drove into town and had breakfast.
(2 of 3)
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