’06 Sept 22 Friday 4:00 a.m.
I went to reply to a post by jannokas, and was activated into my issues of being a teacher or rather of having a student. Here is my post.
Healing is never just one way...
Well now it's my turn to be activated. Thanks
In another thread, you saying that I was a master didn't activate me, but you saying that you are my student did. I never thought of it that way and although I want to share what I have found and teach others how to also experience it for themselves, I never really felt the implications of that. Someone calling me a teacher doesn't get me going but someone saying they are a student does, as I feel that that implies that I am somehow responsible for their being able to absorb what I am sharing and that they can use the information to empower themselves. If they fail, I feel that means that I'm a failure in that I wasn't right, didn't say it right, and missed something so they didn't understand me and is the reason they failed..... Hummmm?
So what are the imprints, programs and beliefs that I still have that say that I'm responsible for another’s success and happiness if they put their trust in me... in my words.... in my ideals.... in my hopes dreams and desires for a New World?
Later, I was talking with my friend Jen on the phone and told her about this and as she was sharing what she was picking up, I was feeling all sorts of past life issues come up and I was becoming emotional.. feeling mainly heartbreak. Where I had the power to change what was, but I failed... and as a result, those that I was trying to help also experienced the unrealized ideas and it all went into lost hopes, dreams and desires. I failed for many reasons, but the most important one was my un-awareness of the power of my denials and what they were creating. In this life time I am becoming aware of the power of denial and its "negative" power to not create life, happiness joy, abundance, and peace, but rather to control, manipulate and ultimately destroy it bit by bit.
There's more.. a lot more.. but this is a start and I thank you for making me aware of yet another issue I was unaware of and that I need and want to heal...
So... thanks...... Teacher..
’06 Sept 23 Saturday 11;30 a.m. Since Marian hasn’t been feeling the pain in her back, she’s been on a high, getting rid of her old clothes, getting new ones. She complains about not having money but she went out today and spent $500.00 on a new pair of glasses as the others were almost two years old and out of style. When she’s on this high, there is no stopping or talking to her as what she wants, she gets. Later, when she comes down and her world begins to fall apart she’ll be depressed as now she has to pay for all these things.