B125 - Activation and Issues - Christmas Stress - Asking for Donations - Christmas Party

’06 Nov 17 11:20 pm Activation: MORE STRESS; Christmas pressures

I was thinking that another reason there was stress in all departments at work was because of a Belief system, Christmas and everyone is out doing what they think is required to get ready for the holidays. They, the customers are in a panic and so that is transferred to everyone around that is associated with that belief especially in a store that sells what they want. Everyone at work is stressed with getting the products out on the shelves or pegs and also in cashing people out as quickly as possible. I’m stressed as I’ve bought into this BS Belief System and also with my issues of trying to give people what they want and to not give them stress or make them feel stressed if I have the power to give them what they want. If I give them what they want, they will also be happy and if they are happy, I’m happy.

While this is true and applies to Xmas, I feel that this is also preparing me for other times to come where people are going to be stressed and looking for help and I know I can help them help themselves but THEIR panic is not MY panic. THEIR issues are not MY issues. THEIR beliefs are not MY beliefs and their journey or path is not my journey or path.

I need to love myself and let others deal with their stuff and issues Trying to go above and beyond is not loving to myself and is not giving myself unconditional love but Guilt, as the only reason I was pushing myself was to please others.

‘06 Nov 22 Issue; Asking for donations


When I went in to work and got to my station I was told that I had to ask people if they wanted to donate to the Salvation Army Christmas food drive. I said no, that it wasn’t my cause and that I wasn’t going to be asking people to support something that I had didn’t support. Not that I’m against the Salvation Army, but I’m not supporting a corporation or individual that feels it’s a worthy cause but instead of digging deep into their own pockets to do their good deed, they impose their will on others and get others to do the asking and the donating of time and money (energy) while they get the credit of doing a good deed along with the sale of products, as the product was not donated but sold. If the product was donated by the corporation or the person whose “cause” it was, then there would be no need to ask people to donate money to buy them.

The same woman then asked me if that also applied to me buying cookies for her daughter’s school. I said yes. She tried to guilt and shame me as she also made sure that she told every employee that came to cash that I refused to ask for donations and after the third time I got ticked and asked her how many more times do I have to say “NO” in order for her to hear me? She was quite after that. Another woman also spoke up and said that she didn’t feel good doing it either and she also refused. Since then, there are only two women, including her, that ask customers to donate. Now the box is in the lobby for those wishing to donate an item of their choice instead of being forced to donate the product item chosen by the store.

Nov 24 Friday 4:14 pm. Yesterday afternoon I spend a couple of hours at another local dollar store where I talked with Kim and Doug. I’ve stopped in there several times, even before I started working and we have been getting into deeper and deeper discussions. Today I told them of my experiences with Jen and Irene.

The temperature in the house was 18.5 C and I commented on it to Marian. Her reply was that it was warm outside (15C) so she turned the furnace off because it was still coming on. I said it was coming on because it was colder outside that inside. She argued that it was warmer outside with the sun. I shook my head and left it at that as there was no discussing her confused and fuzzy logic. Later I checked the programmable thermostat and all the settings were changed. I left them as they were.

’06 Nov 26 Sunday, A young woman had come into the store a couple of weeks ago and had given me a brochure of a man that she thought I should call. Today she came in again and offered to give me a hot stone treatment and she gave me her name and number.

’06 Nov 26 Sunday 10:30 am Christmas Party

The Christmas staff party was held last night and we had supper at a local restaurant. It was interesting to see the dynamics between the husbands and wives and I could see how and why the women were as they were at work, that all the women were emotionally repressed and suppressed and that while they may bitch and cry, in reality, there was no real emotional movement just a repeat of the same old… just in a different form. They all are hurting, some more than others and you also have a couple of “players” or actors that only pretend to feel and express emotions. In that way they are very similar to men except that they are also beneath or lower in many ways. Men in society are the socially dominant figure and are supposed to be manly, knowing, the protector and provider, while the woman is supposed to be the weaker, less knowing, the nurturer and care giver.

’06 Nov 28 I called the young woman re: the hot stone treatment and made arrangements to see her on Thursday.